Still Not Manish

He does it again!

2010-08-20T14:37:00.009+05:30

Before going through this post, please read the prequel - http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2007/11/finally-he-does-it.html

Lot of water has flown under the bridge since RKB got a SE Walkman phone. Apart from the usual losing hair and gaining weight stuff that men approaching 30's undergo, our guy is married, has a car and a swanky house and few other stuff that are not pertinent with this post. But two things remained constant till very recent past! One, his association with the firm that provides him with his daily bread; and the other, his association with the famed Sony Ericson walkman phone.

Going by his previous records, he exploited the phone to its core. Apart from the regular talking and texting, the phone was used to play games and listen to music initially, and used as a weapon on his hapless roommates later. The phone was also used to level the gas stove when one of its legs broke, although that happened only once. RKB also used to create amazing puzzles and solve them on the day when the newspaper went missing in the house. All he had to do was drop the phone once from some height, and voila, he had a new puzzle! The complexity of the puzzle increased with the age of the phone and the distance from which it was dropped.

The phone showed the first signs of aging when its earpiece stopped working. Master of Jugaad that he is, our fellow started to use the speaker functionality of the phone in place of the regular earpiece. Now, for day to day conversations, this innovative idea worked perfectly. But when the call originated from his would-be-wife, and we were exposed to the sweet talks emanating from the not-so-clandestine speaker phone, all of us would turn red (purple in my case) with embarrassment.

Mrs. RKB remained oblivious of the damages the phone could cause till the day RKB got a call from his mistress in California. Hell broke loose, few things happened that are beyond the scope of this article. In the end Mrs. RKB, to save herself from future mortification, decided to present him with a new phone. The new gadget was a touch-screen mobile with all bells and whistles attached. It had a steep learning curve, and our fellow spent sleepless nights with the phone manual to learn all the features the phone had to offer.

It could have been a happy ending here, but RKB's rendezvous with mobile phone saga is a never ending story. His firm rewarded his loyalty with a brand new BlackBerry. Spoilt with choices available in the market, he chose the Curve for obvious reasons. I am not sure if RKB had any sinister motives involving the Blackberry, but the Indian government sniffed a potent danger and declared that they needed access to all the data that goes into the Blackberry server from his phone. To make it less conspicuous, the Indian government mentioned 'all Blackberry phones' rather than targeting one phone alone. Now, Blackberry is like the swiss banks; their novelty is security from prying eyes, which they were not willing to compromise. But the Indian government took cue from Steve Job's ibrick saga and decided to convert all Blackberrys to BlackCherrys if the data was not shared. Going by the speed of CWG preparations in Delhi, Blackberry makers knew they had some time in hand.

Last heard, the Blackberry makers were contemplating on sharing data with the government while RKB was on the lookout for a lawyer in the bylanes of Chamrajpet (to sue RIM for breach of privacy). Armed with a still functional and GPS enabled Blackberry, he thought he would never get lost. But BBMP digs up roads more earnestly than Google updates its maps; he is still waiting for the next update of his maps.

:X~ NotManish

Erring!...err...Elling!

2010-08-11T17:37:00.003+05:30

"I went to a special school where idiots were taught," says a mentally challenged guy.
The sound guy retorts, "I went to a special school where idiots taught."

This was one of the high points of the play Elling which I watched recently at Ranga Shankara. Each one in the theatre, sane or otherwise, could relate to this statement, hence the applause was maximum. But such highs were sparse, and in a play that ran over two hours, those were not enough to hold the attention of the audience. Based on the novel by Norwegian author Ingvar Ambjornsen, Elling is a story of two mentally challenged people who are 'placed' in the normal world as an experiment by the Norwegian government. They are helped by a social worker as they gradually adjust with the societal norms and overcome their fears. In the process they make friends, fall in love, choose an occupation, fix a car, eat drink and be merry. In the end they are certified to be normal people fit to live in the society.

The play was slow to pick up, and initially the scenes changed so frequently that the set changing time was more than the actual play. The scenes were discontinuous and in spite of the best efforts from the lead actors, it did not generate any excitement or fervour to watch the rest of it. The only reason I continued to watch was that I had already paid for it. Lack of humour was tried to be compensated by a lot of sexist jokes which were repetitive and unamusing after sometime. Introduction of the love angle for Kjell Bjarne provided respite from the evitable tasteless jokes. The story gathered some momentum in between with the introduction of few sub-plots, but fizzled out, again due to frequent scene changes in climactic stage followed by an unimaginative and subdued ending. There were a few really good moments in the play, like the poetry recital that Elling and Alphons attend, or the poem that Elling recites out of his notebook, but such moments were far and few in the play.

The actors were largely good, especially the lead actors Anshu Bora and Deepanjan Dey who were trying their best to keep together the script that was falling apart. Nakul Bhalla looked genuine as Alphons while Nidhi as the pregnant neighbour definitely had mastered her walk. Akhil as the social worker was tentative and looked under-rehearsed.

I had watched Pizzaz by the same group Dramanon a couple of years ago, and I had simply loved it. I was expecting similar delectation and fun with Elling, but it turned out to be a damp squib.

:X~ NotManish

Hatred is the first step towards love...

2010-08-06T16:14:00.002+05:30

The problem with thought is that it is free, and when one does not need to spend a dime on it, thought runs amok. As always, the e-mail thread discussing the weekend activities kept growing impregnated with those free thoughts. Yours truly exercised his decisive powers (by the virtue of his not so busy schedule), and booked them all for a movie in a far far away theatre.

With GS fellow steering the ship, and the rest buckled up in their allotted seats, we took off for the far far away theatre. It was past lunchtime, the GS guy was definitely hungry; he made all possible attempts to knock anything that moved on the road and eat it then and there. But luck was not on his side that day, he was still hungry and grumping when we stopped to feed the fish at the research guy's workplace. Known for his tenacity, he made one final attempt at a scooty rider just outside the research guy's workplace but missed by a whisker. Miffed, he thought he would rather wait for Taco Bell.

People who have been to Malleshwaram even once in their life, would dread to go there again. I have been there a few times and I was apprehensive, but my curiosity coupled with audacity drove me there. (In literal terms though, it was KK's audaious driving that was taking us there!) Now, unless you stay in Malleshwaram, going there takes 1.5 hours from any part of the city; if you miss a turn, it takes another 1.5 hours to reach there again! Things become tougher if four navigators guide a hungry driver! Added to that, if the supposedly largest mall in the country has only one entrance between a tree and a wall, that too blocked by BMTC buses, on a one-way road, you are in treat for Bangalore darshan. We did all the above and more. Going through narrow gullies and making unauthorized u-turns with traffic policeman helping us break the law, we finally made it to an open parking besides Mantri Square.

The feeling that everyone shared by that time was common. We were regretting our decision (mainly mine) to come to this place. In strong words spell-check condemned the design of the mall in specific and infrastructure of Bangalore in general, comparing them with Ambiance Mall and Gurgaon in the same order. Before setting a foot inside, we had chastised everything associated with the place and pledged never ever to look in this direction.

But some wise man once said 'hatred is the first step towards love'. All of us were there at Mantri Square the very next day. No one complained that day of the distance or time it took to reach, of the absurd entry to parking lot or of Bangalore's infrastructure. There was something that had brought us back. Was it love or was it lust, we have to still figure out! Ex-IBMer was especially chirpy that day, she was carrying wads of money with her while the research guy was flaunting his green membership card. KK and I found solace in the bottomless soda joint. Last seen, spell-check was still shopping!

:X~ NotManish

Friday Fun

2010-07-01T20:28:00.003+05:30

10:30 pm, any Friday, either of the two houses, Somasundar Palya:

Ora people (only one left now, save him!) is in the company of either the IBMer or the GS fellow. Food has been ordered and probably delivered. Drinks are ready, the black one, the white one, and the colored one. Ora guy is either busy with twitter/facebook on his mobile or complaining that spell-check and research guy are always late. The only member from Sai Poorna household present is trying to look busy.

11:00 pm, same place as above:

Looks like the quorum is complete. We do not begin unless the attendance is 100%. Sherkhan never disappoints with the starters, research guy never disappoints with the blend of the different colored liquids and GS guy never dissapoints with his crappy jokes. In fact, GS guy is getting better once he has moved from the the black non-alcoholic drink to the blended ones. Some serious boss bashing, company bashing, people bashing does the rounds as usual. Apart from two contributors, rest are mere listeners! A ppt is being edited at some corner, while IBMer is on call with a client. Ora and ex-ora guys do some ora gup-shup, fondly remembering the old days together.

2:00 am, still the same place:

Spell check has dozed of in some corner, rest are watching some obscure movie on whatever the cable has to offer. Its time to call the get-together quits. Amidst 'sayonaras' and good-nights, commitments are made to meet up again next Friday to do nothing. Its fun to walk back home at this hour, its more fun to stand and inhale the cold air. Ora guy proposes a night out chatting but himself falls asleep.

We have been doing this for sometime now. It is always the same five of us, never more, never less, and it is always the usual nothing that we do. We have evaded boredom till now doing the same nothing and hopefully we shall in future. Amen!

:X~ NotManish

Spell-check

GS fellow

IBMer

Research guy

View from my room today

2010-03-01T20:00:00.002+05:30

Why so serious?

2010-02-26T20:41:00.003+05:30

I was having mixed feelings as I walked out of the door that day. It was not the first time that I had walked out of the door, but normally when I did, I would be clear in my head as to how I was feeling. I would either be happy (which was rare), I would be unhappy, or I would be terribly frustrated. But that day, I felt as if many emotions were ground in a mortar and shoved down my throat! It was not all bad as it sounds, there were a couple of good news, some bad news, and something which I have not been able to comprehend till date!

Normally, I do not warrant/command a second look when I am out on the streets (unless I am sporting my maggi hairstyle). Men and women alike give me a pass, sometimes even the first look is dear. In my thirty years of existence, I have been complemented on my looks for countable-on-fingers number of times. I, in my wildest dreams had not expected someone to hit upon me! When it happened, it left me searching for words!

I wish I was NOT the only one who had lost his vocabulary. The whole act seemed to be well rehearsed (to which I was the sole audience), and delivered to perfection. Words flowed easily but hit me hard, as I stood there dumbstruck. How I wished I could show my middle finger, or the finger besides that sporting my marriage ring! I pinched myself hard just to make sure this was not a dream.

My smile is inconsequential, and apart from the dimples that are formed on both my cheek (one now as I have put some weight), there is nothing in it that would move the earth. My wife says she likes it, although it could be because of lack of options! But that day, in that closed room, I was complemented for my smile left and right. I was also told that I had stopped smiling since *one* unfortunate day and my smile was missed a lot. I was also conveyed that I should try and forget the *turn of events* that had happened a few months earlier, I should try shun the serious look that I was donning for last few days and try to be happy. A smiling ‘Manish’ would make a lot of difference to the conveyer!

I walked out of that room unable to perceive whatever had transpired. I have liberal views for Gay rights and their participation in the society, but my views about my own sexual orientation are pretty clear. I, through my blog, pronounce to ‘whom ever it may concern’ that I am pretty straight. I also choose not to smile and put on a grave look till this whole matter dies down!

:X~ NotManish

PS : There is no truth what so ever in the above creation. My imagination is pretty vivid and all I have tried is to ‘put a smile on your face’.

On the wrong side of 20

2010-02-04T12:30:00.012+05:30

Being on the wrong side of 20 can be a terrible experience. And it is worse for a guy working in the corporate environment. The last time he had a real adrenaline rush was on his first day at work when he was introduced to his plush chair, a workstation and a coffee mug. Five years since that day, he sits in same/similar chair, drinking from the same/similar coffee mug, is bloated beyond recognition and is probably married or expecting to be married soon. He is concerned by his inability to produce the ‘fight or flight’ hormone. But his concerns grow into deep state of anxiety when he understands that few other hormones have also abandoned his body.

Kawa’s story is not different from most people on the wrong side of twenty. When he saw (in his formative years) jumping jack Jeetu endorsing 30-plus on Doordarshan, he wondered if 30 was a cut off age for something! His parents hushed him into silence when he enquired about the magic product. Inquisitive that he was, he came to know from reliable sources that it was a wonder medicine that would enhance one’s libido. What the *beep* could be that, he thought.

Some things that you do not learn by education, you learn by experience. Kawa’s moment of truth came during ragging sessions at a premier institution in the remote parts of Bengal. Internet was new to him, and so was Google to the world. But someone suggested that Google could provide relevant search results and that too in a fraction of a second. Late that night, he searched for the word…it took Google 0.864 seconds to return the result, it took him another 0.864 seconds to read it, but it took him 86400 seconds to understand what it meant. He was excited!

When you learn something new, you try to find its relevance in your present and past. It dawned upon Kawa, the significance of Jeetendra promoting the magic tablet. But what Kawa could not fathom was the importance of the age 30. Being an engineering student, he was driven by logic and reasoning and he could not assume it to be true without any explanation. He spent sleepless nights investing the figure 30. His efforts were fruitless, and each passing day made him realize that he would also turn 30 in less than 10 years.

He was further traumatized when he landed in Bangalore and put up with some Bihari guys. He came to know that it is common practice in Bihar to manipulate the age by a couple of years! He did some research on this subject and found that the practice is common amongst Marathis too! His parents could not confirm his true age, all they could tell him was that it was early 80’s when he was born. He could not zero down to a specific year now when he would lose his libido! His worst fears about the age 30 were confirmed when Yuvraj Singh started taking Revital tablets as soon as he was close to 30. “To aap lena kab shuru kar rahe hain” echoed in his ears all the time!

Prevention is better than cure, they say. Kawa also subscribed to the same thought. But he was unsure of the medication path he should chose. 30-plus was out of question, as it seemed to be for people who had already lost it! Revital was another option that was rejected. Yuvraj Singh could not transform his revitalized hormones to action on the field after having Revital, Kawa did not expect miraculous results either. His new flat-mate (a lungi clad, ‘down to earth’ Gult) suggested him some unavowed concoction as a prevention method. It consisted of two liquids, one contained in a white bottle and other in a brown one. The liquids had to be mixed in equal measure, the quantity depending on the consumer’s age and virility required; and taken early in the morning before brushing the teeth or doing any of the daily chores. The imbiber could have food only after one hour of taking the medicine, and the effects would be pronounced if he had Upma for breakfast.

Kawa has been religiously following the medication for sometime now. But the desired effects can be known only after he turns 30. Its still a few years to go. We are all watching the developments with bated breath.

:X~ NotManish

PS: The plot is work of pure fiction. Any similarity to actual events or characters is purely coincidental.

HNY 2010

2010-01-18T23:39:00.003+05:30

For the third time in as many years, I made the same promise to myself on new years eve – I will lose those extra pounds which had miraculously eluded all other portions of my body and decided to settle just above and around the belt portion. Expecting few cheers, I raised a toast; and all I got was a muffled laugh in some corner, few jeering smiles and a free advice that I was past the age/weight!

The new year ought to be welcomed in style and it was left to the guys from Somasundarpalya to do the planning and execution. With the wives not around, the shopping part was easy and completed in record time. Pre-processing and initial processing was done and kept ready for the head cook to use later in the day. The guys were happy at the effort and expecting a gala time in the evening.

One disaster might be bad luck, but a series of them put together is called catastrophe, and this happens when you least expect it. It started with the custard. I had vowed half my monthly salary that someone could make custard at the snap of a finger. Forget snapping fingers, we clapped, sang songs and performed Zulu dance around the pan of custard; but it did not solidify. Next dish to go bad was the corn-pakoda, a forte of mine. The invincible was conquered, the best cook in the world lost his crown that day! The hosts were not to be left far behind; the mutton cutlet turned out to be the most experimented dish of the year 2009.

It does not rain in my city much, but that day, the skies opened unexpectedly, as if to wash all the sins of the year going by. One by one, guys started to drop off from the new year party. Salvaging what was left, we could gather six people to kick off. Two more joined just before the clock struck twelve. A wise man once said, eight is company and nine is crowd; eight was good enough to party!

That is when we came to the discussion of memorable and forgettable moments of the year going by, and the changes we would like to see in the new year. Majority cherished the memory of their first four wheeler, and the first accident with the vehicle was their forgettable moment. Ironially, a couple who were in the middle of a ‘war’ did not deem their marriage (six months ago) as the memorable moment. I mumbled something under the influence of alcohol, which I do not remember now. But I do remember that I was conscious of my paunch then, and decided to get rid of it sooner than later.

I have not seen a better impromptu dance floor than the one made that day! Kudos to KK for his originality, legerity and his pro-activeness (which he lacks according to ‘some’ people). It was a perfect circle (to me it seemed perfect in my inebriated state) of twinkling colorful lights. The music was passé, but the enthusiasm was in vogue. RKB with his patented ‘mauja’ steps and rest trying to shake their booty in ‘chorus’ would have definitely made a risible view. It was super fun nonetheless.

By the time we wound up, the arterial capillaries had taken the booze to every nook and corner of my torso. For the first time in my life, I threw up. But I barfed in a dignified manner, I think I carried myself pretty well! Sleep beckoned for a few hours before we were to hit the road early next morning to Horsley Hills. The new year eve was fun!

“Give me some sunshine, give me some rain; give me another chance, I wanna throw up once again!” – I do not mind doing it again if I have had so much fun, with people who matter!

:X~ NotManish

Rolling Credits – Quoting a dear friend Sukrut shamelessly :)

Men-Who-Pause

2009-12-23T12:19:00.003+05:30

Let me begin with a candid confession. I have flicked the title of this post. Normally, that is unlike me...but the sheer creativity in the name coerced me to pick this title. I have taken care to drop in a couple of hyphens to make it look all new! (Menwhopause is a five member rock band based out of Delhi. If they are genius enough to visualize this name, they ought to be good. Thank you guys for this word!)

There are three actions that I do not appreciate doing personally; pausing, stopping or going back. Well, those are not the entire doctrines my life is based on, I have more; and I conjure them up, as and when need arises.

I would have been less than a year old, when I started walking. I do not have memory of the first step that I took, but I would definitely had a big grin on my face that day. From that day till present, I have walked 12807 kms in total, give and take a few thousands here and there. It would be unfruitful to verify the data above, as I have not paused yet and will 'keep walking'.

After some 10 years of walking, I discovered the wheel, infact I discovered two of them. It did not take me long to tame them, and soon the speed with which wind hit my face changed from 2 kmph to 20 kmph. The first bicycle that I rode was shared with my brother and sister, but I got an exclusive one a couple of years later. 'Drag races' from school to home were common those days, so were the numerous stunts that we did on those two wheels. Things were not going to change when I went to college. We had signed an undertaking that we would not use any motored vehicle inside the campus. So another pair of wheels it was, attached to a lousy pedal.

The first job paid just enough to make my ends meet, so I could not afford the luxury of wheels. I was largely dependent upon the crooked autowallahs or the ever menacing BMTC buses for my movement. The 20kmph wind suddenly became 10, thanks to the infamous Bangalore traffic. Now, my movements had become sluggish, but it had not come to a standstill. I was slowly getting disillusioned with the lack of speed. It was then I decided 'its now or never'. Change in fortune, and soon I was riding on a gleaming new Apache. Why did I choose Apache when the world rode on a Pulsar? People say I chose it, but the truth is it chose me! I have done 25k kms on this bike, and so like me, it has never paused, leave alone stopped.

Sometime in 2005, (days when I was traveling on foot), I saw this placard posted on the back of a car 'My next car is Swift'; I silently wished 'mine too'. I had drooled on Mini for ages, and Swift looked like a poor man's Mini! But I was below poverty line then! Two years later when I was upgrading to four wheels from two, the desire to own a Swift was every bit the same. Another two years and 20k kms later, I have a hunch I will not buy another car! If I buy, it might well be another Swift. Airavat, that's what I fondly call him, has never given me dull moment.

Wheels or no wheels, my life has been more or less like assemblage of words. The words are all in order and they make sense when read carefully, just that they lack punctuation. Even the smallest punctuation causes a pause, and I am not the man who pauses.

:X~ NotManish

Road Trip - the discussions

2009-10-26T18:27:00.007+05:30

It was a two on two situations when the argument began. I had not expected it to go that way. I had assumed that it would be four on none or at least three on one, and the argument would be finished before it even began. But my better half had other ideas, so did RKB's! Now, two on two would not be difficult situation for me to handle in other conditions. My reasoning’s are hard to beat and I normally romp home victorious in less than the time it takes to cook Maggi. It takes a little more time if I am gagged, as I am not well versed with shorthand. But here the argument was between logic and emotions, and it does not require Einstein’s IQ to figure out which is stronger.

Apart from the four of us, we were in pleasant company of Ghosh babu last night when we were driving down to some place. Winter has already set in Bangalore and it becomes a little foggy late in the evenings. The diffused lights from the sodium vapor lamps in the fog, and empty streets gave us a feeling of driving through a sleepy town in the middle of a night. In such an atmosphere, I could not but think of long drive, a really long drive. My imagination left me wanting as always, and the farthest I could think was going to my hometown by car. But I was supported by RKB immediately so I could not blame my imagination alone. I expected at least one more voice to support me, but fate had other ideas. The two ladies vetoed it straight away, and Ghosh babu decided to go with the majority. That is how we ended two on two with neither of the party willing to budge.

We played the first logic card, "What is the problem?" The other party played straight into our hands by resorting to logic, "It’s too far." We had our statistics and calculations ready and we chalked a plan for the whole trip within minutes. We had everything on paper - 3 drivers, each driving for four hours a day, it would not take more than three days. We explained the finances involved and summed it up with the tax angle that we ought to drive on the Golden Quadrilateral as we pay hefty taxes. The opponents seemed to be confused, and confusion the first step before getting convinced. Even Ghosh babu supported us, albeit in a feeble voice. The opposition was still playing our game; they had another logical doubt, "It would be difficult for us." We agreed, and asked them to join us in Kolkata by taking a flight or train. "But if we are not with you, we will be worried", they said in unison. Now I knew where this was going! From the slow and low pitches in India, suddenly we were transported to the fiery WACA.

“It would be too dangerous, and you will be traveling through Orissa and Bihar!”
(The goons out there perhaps have nothing better do these days after the change in government.)
“You can have more thrills doing river rafting or trekking in the hills of Uttaranchal.”
(Ok! But if you want to have apples, you cannot eat bananas!)
“If driving is the fun you are looking for, why don’t you do Bangalore – Mysore multiple times?”
(Sigh!)
“It is far and dangerous”
(We are not going to the war front!)
“The highways are deserted.’
(That is why it is fun to drive on)
“It is dangerous and we would be worried”
(Sigh!)

Emotion does not understand logic, and the arguments that emotion thinks are logical, are far from being one. Logic at that point lays its arms down and surrenders, or flees from the place.

We still have our plans for a long road trip next year. We are building on a stronger case based on logic. We are running a signature campaign and plead our readers to support our cause. If everything fails, we have plans to drug the other party and get their approvals on stamp paper. Wish us luck people!

PS: The above post depicts the emotional people in somewhat bad taste. But just ponder for a while, if our wives or loved ones decide to go on an adventure trip, we would go to any emotional extent to dissuade them from the adventure. We would cite all the above ‘illogical’ reasons and few more ‘silly ones’! Why?

:X~ NotManish

Vellagiri @ Yelagiri

2009-09-23T16:31:00.011+05:30

Typical to Tamil Nadu weather, the day was hot and humid. Someone suggested "Tan ho jayenge." KK retorted "Nahi, Tam ho jayenge!" There was no dearth of crap PJs that day, but this one beat all of them by some distance.

The plan was unusual, somewhat weird too! An i20 would drive full capacity to the destination 150 kms from Bangalore. Close in heels would be a FZ with a solitary rider. I did not care much about the plan, as long as I was getting a much needed break from the schedule that I have been following lately at factory. The destination chosen was an inconspicuous little hill station in Tamil Nadu, which would be hotter than Bangalore at this time of the year. It boasted of nothing to see or do except a man made lake where we could paddle ourselves to glory. The motley crowd participating in the plan consisted of few people known to me, and few known to my wife. The onus to make each comfortable with the other was piled on my shoulders.

The plans changed, and before I could get a grip of the situation, we were herded into a Xylo and hit the roads (Shashi Tharoor was chastised for saying something similar on Twitter). The ice breaking session was a mere formality, with KK and his better half around. We took the Jail road and hit the NH7 near the Audi showroom. The melancholy guy sitting in the back bench volunteered to buy an Audi on our way back and we were left to chose the colors. Amidst the conversations on architecture of Infy's buildings, Biocon chief's size, all night disco's near Hosur, 'famous' king-kong rock and aloo parathas, we were soon crunching miles.

The first stop was somewhere in the wilderness for a photography session, and all turned wild there. A highway could not be treated with more disrespect without actually peeing on it. Next stop was at A2B just before Krishnagiri. The aloo paratha gang was voicing for a road-side dhaba, but eventually they fell for my cleanliness and hygienic crap. I love the cuisine down south!

Just after we crossed Krishnagiri, an i10 zoomed past, followed by a puny zen. Xylo's ego was hurt! What followed next was a 'Mad Max' car chase for a few kms. Once the Xylo's ego was satiated, we dropped back to comfortable 120kmph speed. The i10 zoomed past again, and the fellow passenger there gave us a dirty look! Wish we had sunroofs!

Just after Vaniyambadi toll plaza, we left NH46. The Yelagiri mountains were visible in some distance. Artificial fog was created at some places by burning woods, otherwise the visibility was good. The ghat section with fourteen hairpin bends was the only evidence that suggested that we were going to a hill station; otherwise the place is like any other village in the country. Before we even started, we ran out of ideas what to do at this place. A distant temple with no motorable roads leading to it, seemed to a challenge. So off we went taking 'fhortcuts' and 'chota fhortcuts', over rocky terrain towards the temple. We were accompanied en route by 'quickfix', a dog who was happy to see some visitors in his otherwise dull and boring life (He even seemed to enjoy KK's pj's). We feasted on stolen guavas and imli once we had sought permission from God to do that.

Next on agenda was food as trekking had sapped the adipose tissues dry. Some local guy suggested that Hotel Hills (pronounced hilsey in local language) would be the right place. It was a decent place alright, but the choice on the menu and the actual items available were vastly different. The food was good though.

The lake in Yelagiri is a man made one and is very shallow at some places. We experienced it first hand when we went out for a relaxing siesta after lunch on a paddle boat. The siesta turned into a nightmare when our boat got stuck in shallow waters! Incessant forward pedalling and back pedalling got us out of that scary situation! Someone predicted in my childhood that my death will be a watery grave!

Sensing that there is still some time left for para sailing festival that was going on in Yelagiri, we headed to the that direction. 2kms of arduous trekking led us to the place where it would have happened, but due to various factors, it was put off till the next day. But the place was not a disappointment. With sun setting in the background, the view of the valley was amazing.

Amidst people dozing off, the punjabi munda kept himself busy overtaking all kinds of vehicles on the way back. But all were awake and even lend their mellifluous voices when Jagjit Singh performed live in the music system! What followed was a lengthy discussion on how ghazals should be rendered. The melancholy guy in the last bench was still not interested. He was the only one who was not paired!

:X~NotManish

Sunset at wonder-la

2009-09-07T19:53:00.002+05:30

Till this moment, I had despised my mobile phone camera. It was a 2mp, without flash and clumsy to use. But this picture changed the notions I had for my mobile.

Swines Glorified!

2009-08-12T11:20:00.006+05:30

The next best creation of God, after Zebra, was pigs. If I am saying this at the time when swine flu is rampant across the globe, my conviction must be immense. I have never seen a 'live' Zebra (yet I am convinced they are the best animals), but I have seen, met, ate pigs, they are amazing animals.

My first emotion for a pig was sympathy. In my pre-teen years, we lived in a flat overlooking a marshy area where pigs used to thrive. I had largely discounted them while they exhibited all the pig like syndromes in the murky water. But, one day, hearing a commotion, when I ventured out in the veranda, I noticed 4-5 people chasing a poor pig. The chase went for a long time, at the end of which, the pig was tied to a pole and carried away. The helpless grunts of that swine left a sad memory etched in my mind.

The sorry feeling turned into admiration as time went by. It was probably high school when I came in terms with equilibrium, momentum, body roll etc. I was amazed how such tiny legs could hold such a big body with ease. My astonishment was greater when the hogs moving at considerable pace would suddenly stop and not roll over! Our Mahindras and Tatas should take a lesson or two from pigs to control body roll! This even-toed ungulate is known for its exceptional intelligence although it looks dumb. In the yesteryear's, ladies kept them as pets for ‘you know why’.

For some years, my encounters with pigs were scarce. We did not have many of them in the college campus and they were absent from the streets of Gachibowli. But as soon as I landed in Bangalore, they were all around me. Near the place that I stay, there are so many of them that a resident had to start “drive the pigs’ away campaign”. His efforts did not produce the desired results; the alacrity with which the pigs multiply could not be matched by his briskness.

The tiny piglets are really cute, and you expect them to grow into fine handsome pigs. But the pigs follow the rationale of ‘eat and no shit’, and soon develop into corpulent, rotund creatures. I wonder why the tail remains tiny! Probably the tail has no use on the dinner table!

They want my bacon slice by slice

To sell at a tremendous price!

They want my tender juicy chops

To put in all the butcher's shops!

They want my pork to make a roast

And that's the part that will cost the most!

They want my sausages in strings!

They even want my chitterlings!

The butcher's shop! The carving knife!

That is the reason for my life!"

Currently, there is a lot of brouhaha about swine flu across the world. Pigs have been flying for centuries and no one has noticed! But one special swine flew in Mexico and everyone wants a prototype for himself. The minister for health in India has promised that 33% of the people will have personal flying pigs within two years. Wait with anticipated breath and you will get one for yourself soon.

Flying or not, pigs are amazing animals. They are cute, intelligent, chubby and supremely delicious, especially the pepperoni ones. Do not take offence though; no pigs were harmed in writing this blog.

:X~ NotManish

Pic courtesy: http://blogs.venturacountystar.com/dennert/archives/pig-thumb.jpg

Someday

2009-07-27T15:40:00.001+05:30

Someday someone walked into your life and made you realize why it never worked out with anyone else!

After being married for close to two years now, with my romantic/creative side on a constant decline, I for one could not concur with this statement. It sounded too blissful. A Karan Johar - SRK combine would have made a killer plot out of it for their movies, that's what I thought. My pragmatism made me scoff at this line!

It was one of the 'off days', when my practicality was feeling low, I thought about the statement once again. Even though my quixotic senses were still ebbed down, it still made sense. If two years is not a long time, then not a long time ago, I would have sworn by this statement. My life would not inspire a script writer or a novelist, but it has been interesting in patches. Some infatuations, some major crushes, one relationship culminating into marriage was more than I could have bargained for. She did not walk into my life, we actually bumped into one another, and since then life worked out on its own. It had not worked out with anyone else till that time, there had been no hints or signs, even the desire was missing.

It was not sudden, but the pieces started falling into place, and the jigsaw started to make some vague sense. As it became more vivid, I was able to put some pieces in the right place myself. The picture is not complete yet, and I guess it shall never be...something is always left for imagination; but yes, I can reassemble everything even with my eyes closed.

I would not agree to it in public, but in my 'moment of truth' I would say someday someone walked into my life and made me realize why it never worked out with anyone else!

:X~ NotManish

Oops! I did it again

2009-07-01T16:00:00.002+05:30

I would not call it a struggle, but I had definitely put some effort for twenty-nine days at a stretch. I would not be fooling myself if I say that the efforts had paid dividends, that too handsome. I was on the brink of creating history, my own and a personal one, but history nonetheless.

There were signs all around, from the time I woke up in the morning. I missed them, not because I could not see or interpret, but because I did not expect to see the signs. I was like the horse who has blinders to make him see ahead. I could see the 1st of July approaching fast, as I was incognizant of my surroundings (and the signs).

Then it happened. I could just let it happen. It was like the card castle we build and just when we are going to place the final card, everything just topples over. I was left with this undying feeling...'oops! I did it again!'

It's a new day of another month. A new beginning...and this month has thirty-one days!

:X~ NotManish

XYZ Orchestra

2009-06-22T17:05:00.004+05:30

I dedicate this piece of composition to the 'once in a lifetime' opportunity that I got, to witness an 'orchestra' performed in a certain marriage that I attended. Heavily influenced by 'Hotel California', I do not take much credit to the creation below.

These orchestras have a popular name that I am skipping in this post. They are arranged by for the sake of people attending marriages who would not otherwise sit through the tardy Indian Marriage ceremony. These are whole night affairs with blaring music on awful speakers, dancers in cheesy clothes and spicy moves, and over the hill people relishing those stuff (probably experiencing a déjà vu excitement).

My creativity, that had not been stirred for last few months, got an impetus when I witnessed this program. So here I am with an ode to the dances by the performers and some really crap jokes by the comparer. I have not mentioned her in my composition, but a special mention for 'muskaan', the girl who adorns the wallpaper of my accomplice's mobile these days (He promised me a MMS but he has not sent one till now).

XYZ Orchestra
---------------------
On a dark but festive night, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of 'Indian' espresso, rising up through the air
Somewhere in the distance, I heard an announcement being made
A call for fun loving people (I was one)
An announcement to gather under the shade
There she stood on the podium;
I could see everything so well
And I was thinking to myself,
This could be heaven or this could be hell!
Then there was some music and she let her hips sway
There were voices around the dais,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the XYZ orchestra
The girl's in groove
Such a lovely move
Plenty of fun at the XYZ orchestra
Throughout the night, it will be a 'sight'...

Her garb is short, and revealing whenever she bends
She got a lot of men bumming around, that the announcer fends
How they dance around the dais, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget

So I called up my accomplice,
please bring me a chair
He said he can't, he is having experiences that he can't share
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the XYZ orchestra
The girl's in groove
Such a lovely move
Plenty of fun at the XYZ orchestra
Throughout the night, it will be a 'sight'...

With cameras and mobiles,
data was rapidly getting burnt
My accomplice was down there too, for me a new lesson learnt!
And in the master chamber,
few gathered for the ceremony
Rest were all around the podium
Celebrating the new found harmony

Last thing I remember, I was
laughing out loud
The experience was awesome
that I will not forget, I vowed
I left, with cameras flashing
and old men dancing to tune
Night was still young, (bit sleazy)
and would not end so soon...

:X~ NotManish

We cast our votes...did you?

2009-04-23T11:23:00.000+05:30

The Foodie

2009-04-17T16:30:00.005+05:30

Duke Orsino:
If music be the food of love, play on,
Give me excess of it; that surfeiting,
The appetite may sicken, and so die.

Twelfth Night Act 1, scene 1, 1–3

Pardon me for quoting Shakespeare again, my intent is not repetition. Shakespeare, perhaps in all earnest or by fluke, has summed up the three elements that has failed to satiate a person (even in excess) - music, food and love.

I am not musical, I do not play any instruments and the roaches in my bathroom have often freaked out at my ability to sing. I am not much of a love person too, as in my life of 28 years I have loved people countable on fingers. Food…yeah! I swear by it!

Unlike many and like many (that does not make me one of a kind), my existence in this world revolves around food. From the time I remember, one thing that I have been doing without fail, even for a single day of my life, is eating. I have never got bored of it, in fact I derive great pleasures when I am in the company of food. Food for me is maybe what air is for you! For me, even gravy is a beverage. My wife often says that I do not talk much, I plead that I can talk only about food. In fact, anything that does not have connection with food has nothing to do with me too!

The other day someone asked me what would be my favorite food. I had to really think hard but I could not come up with one item or cuisine. Voting for chili chicken would have done gross injustice to the fish-in-mustard-curry, or masala bhindi, or Briyani, or anything else that I devour!

You might assume from what I have said till now (and from the size that I am growing into) that I am a great eater. I am not, I just try to let my tongue rule. But my tongue is a weird guy, he works like an ass and hardly sleeps. He is amiable, amicable and compassionate towards anything that tastes sweet, salty, sour, hot, bitter, tangy, even tasting like water. Sometimes I have to keep him gagged and bound, then ‘tongue-tied’ has an entirely different meaning for me! I have taken two months and a few days to write this post only because I have submitted to the compulsion of my tongue for every word that I have written here. The urge has grown every time I have sat to edit this post and it has reached irresistible limits as I type the letters now…I am off to feed myself.

:X~ NotManish

--Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. I say, are you going to drink that?

My words fly up, my thoughts remain below

2009-02-13T16:36:00.004+05:30

It has been a long time since the conflict started (Friday, November 04, 2005). It was a raging fire in the beginning, a battle for supremacy. The ego clashes were fearsome, the ire dreadful. The initial days struggle were violent, and left both battered and bruised. The results were never clear, the fights were more or less even and conclusion was never in sight. Gradually, the violent fights have turned tactical; the bloodbath has stopped and the attacks have turned more subtle and mature. I guess age has caught up with both...

NotManish has always been the more aggressive one, one with weird thoughts. Only he could possibly think of a red-n-white zebra (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2005/11/zebra.html) or talk extensively about toothpaste (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2007/07/toothpaste.html) or the men's lavatories (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2005/12/p-time.html). He says that he is an admirer of the champions of humor, Wodehouse and Jug Suraiya, and his reflections are inspired by these men. Sometimes I doubt this, and feel that this is just a cheap gimmick to make people visit his ruminations. Anyways, he is the fighter who takes on the fight without realizing where he is standing. He is one who speaks first and weighs his words later.

Manish is exactly the opposite. His thoughts have weight, and the words that come out have meaning and a message. I especially liked the ones' on walking in the rains (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2008/06/some-people-walk-in-rains-others-just.html), on Mumbai attacks (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2008/11/mumbai-bounces-back.html) and about the stars (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2006/06/stars.html). He delivers a message that hits you hard every time. But he is not funny. I have to say that he is not funny...he lacks humor...he is the serious geeky kind of person who thinks he is out to reform the world.

Who am I? I am the master of these two rebel spirits. It sounds good, but its not as good as it sounds. Considering the deep seated hostility that these two have for one another, I am in a precarious position of doing the balancing act. I have been largely successful till now (and I take great pride in that, without being modest), but I fear for the worst. The day one of them falls weak, the other will reign supreme. That day will either result in complete anarchy with random thoughts (albeit funny) flowing here and there. or it will be the birth of another boring reformist.

One of them is the words that fly high...other is the thought that sinks in deep. I am the one suffering from identity crisis...I would have wished to be in a better position but I know that NotManish makes me as much as Manish does.

My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go. (Hamlet | Act III, Scene III)

:X~ The_One (=SUM(Manish,NotManish))

Technorati Tags: notmanish,manish

View from the verandah

2009-02-05T07:48:00.001+05:30

Auto Parked in Garuda Mall

2009-02-04T10:29:00.001+05:30

Assumptions

2009-01-21T17:19:00.001+05:30

To begin with, let me assume that you are reading this post, and will continue to do so till the post ends or your life! I have made an assumption, and so will you after reading the first line. If you are a pessimist, you will assume that the post would be so boring that it will stifle you. On the other hand, your optimism would make you think that the post would be fantastic to take your breath away! In either case, your assumptions would not be true (I tread the middle path, that too with care). Probably, you would not have assumed a terror strike or a national calamity that could have take your life before you could reach the end of the post!

That's the beauty of assumptions, if you make a right assumption, you end up calling the shots, but otherwise and you make a complete fool of yourself. Let us talk about assumptions first, before we talk about the good and bad of assumptions. What is assumption? Assumption is a hypothesis that is thought to be true, and further conclusions are drawn from it. Assumption is something that we accept to be true without verification or facts. Assumption in short is guessing. Now that we know what assumption means, can we classify it to be good or bad? Something that we accept without verifying...sounds to be a cardinal sin...now that is what we were being taught at school! "Do not assume, verify for yourself, do not guess". So assumption is definitely bad. But in labelling assumption to be bad, we have made three serious assumptions...one that whatever we were taught was really correct...two that we have not assumed anything as part of our learning's...and three that bad is indeed bad!

Before you make another assumption that I am mad, I should make some valid point. I start with a statement - Assumption is good, in fact it is one of the better and most used channel of thoughts in one's mind. I walk towards you with an extended arm and a smile on my face, you assume that I will shake hands with you. You ride or drive to your office everyday, you assume that the on-coming vehicles will stay on the other side of the road. You keep your money in the bank assuming that it will be safe. You marry, assuming that you will have a good life. In fact, every step that you take, you assume that the floor under you will not give way. So is assumption really bad, considering that humans are assumption machines!

When do we assume? We assume when we do not have a concrete answer to a problem. We assume when we are at that part of a problem where we have too many unknown variables, but we know what we want or expect. So we assume some of the unknowns to be something, and carry on...sometimes we are right, if wrong we make another assumption.

How and what do we assume? The origin of our assumptions are based on our culture, intellect and our own personal history. When we are with a set of people, we imbibe the thought process, hence the way of assumptions. Same is true for the knowledge we get from our books. Similarly, each person has his own history and experiences, based on which he makes his assumptions.

Final question - Which assumptions are good and which are the cardinal sin ones? This one looks tough but it is actually easy to answer. If the assumption has its intention fully revealed (what the assumption is going to achieve) then the assumption is a good one, its called a explicit assumption. And if the assumption is implicit, where the assumption leaves the intention also to be assumed, then it is a not so good assumption. Not all implicit assumptions are bad, sometimes the explicit assumptions have underlying implicit assumptions...that's when we have shades of grey...

When I said final question, you assumed that the answer to it would also be the final one. The origin of this assumption could be intellect or your own history, and the intention was that this bloody post should end...hence a explicit assumption...explicit assumptions are good, so I will not deny you the pleasure to have made a good assumptions...so keep assuming, assuming is good!

:X~ NotManish

Foggy morning in Bangalore

2009-01-06T17:27:00.001+05:30

Mumbai bounces back!

2008-11-28T17:33:00.009+05:30

36 hours after the terror attacks in the financial capital of India, the city is gradually moving to normalcy. Its business as usual for most of the people in the city; the schools and colleges are open, the rush at Virar or Ghatkopar to catch the local trains is same as other days, BSE is open and its business as usual, the dabbawallas will collect the dabbas and deliver them to the respective locations as efficiently as other days, even the sunset on Marine drive will be as usual.

The twin blasts that left 46 dead (Aug 25, 2003), the seven blasts on the suburban trains that killed over 200 (July 11, 2006) or the naked terror attacks this time that have left over 100 dead – Mumbai has always overcome the setback and returned to normalcy. Mumbai has bounced back everytime it has been scarred and scathed. They call it the indomitable spirit of Mumbaikar, the fabled spirit of resurgence and the ability to fight back!

This spirit is not only of Mumbaikars but also of the hundred crore Indians, they say. This year alone there have been serial blasts in Jaipur (13^th May), Bangalore (25^th July), Ahmedabad (26^th July) and Delhi (13^th Sept). Everytime there is a talk of the spirit of the people of the country, who wake up next day to go to work as any other day. They call it resilience, the ablity to fight back…I wonder everytime if it is resilience or adjustment? Is it the ability to fight back or is it plain giving up?

It has been centuries since Indians are known for adjusting to the environment. For centuries, the idea of adjustment has been given fancy names; and we everytime have believed it as the truth. We have been invaded numerous times, looted and left in disarray…and it is said that Indians have always welcomed their guests, its in their culture. There has been internal strifes, civil wars and it is said that you will find no place in the world where there is an assimilation of so many religions. We have been put through so many wars after Independence, and it is said that we defend bravely everytime. Terror strikes are common throughout the country, and we have adjusted to that also…”India bounces back”…that’s what we hear!

There is going to be a lot of discussions over the next week, a lot of ideas and plans will be put on paper…these papers will be stacked at the same place where we have the older plans. All will be forgotten after a week….business as usual till the next attacks!

We can point fingers at many people for what happens, the government, the machinery, the intelligence, the police…but as citizens of this country, are we not to blame for what happens! We have learnt to adjust everytime there has been a change in environment, we have never tried to change the environment back! We have adjusted in the way we think and the way we act; and we have started living with what we get served. I do not expect us to come on the roads with arms…but I do expect us to sit back and take everything in the stride…I expect us to ask questions, demand things that are guaranteed to us as citizens of this country; I expect us not to just bounce back this time, but to really fight back...

:X~NotManish

En-gage

2008-11-18T17:09:00.004+05:30

en-gage : verb [en-geyj] - Consume all of one's attention or time

The day RKB announced his engagement, I knew things had changed. Not between us (for the fickle minded who let their minds wander without reading further), but with him alone. Looking at the definition of engaged quelled some apprehensions (rather doubts), and further studies of the subject (RKB here) satiated a lot of questions that my mind was churning constantly.

One change that was instantly noticeable and fairly obvious was that he had got one extra bulge in his pants! (Please read further before drawing conclusions) The savior of Indian long distance relationship (Dhirubhai) had outwitted him into buying a new mobile phone that he carried in his pockets apart from the other SE handset (that explains the bulge!).
***I could not but cave into the temptation of doing this! Pardon me, it turned out to be a bit over the line...below the belt...ouch!

PS: Something more about Dhirubhai Ambani – He has been a great visionary for long distance relationships in this country, and reliance communications has been a champion for this very social cause since its inception. Offering calls at as less as 40p in the beginning, RCom created history by offering calls for free. Last heard, they might even pay you for making calls!

Another change, which was more obvious, and related to first change, was a headset plugged into the ears 24/7. At first, we (in Bangalore) could not accept RKB + headset, but once the idea sank in that headset is but a personification of certain Ms. R, we gladly accepted RKB and his headset.

One major change, and by major I mean MAJOR, was that RKB started losing his mental keenness and acumen while playing 29. At first we thought it was the partner, but over different games and different partners we found that it was RKB plus partner that lost games. The person who could tell all the eight cards in your hand by looking at his, somehow found his vision blurred for his own cards. That's when we knew that all his 'cards' lay bare on the table. (OMG! I love myself for conceiving this!) RKB is no longer a threat when it comes to 29, we have a new player who has emerged from the ranks of an amateur to become a superstar (Ms AC) in this game apart from holding a forte in Ludo.

Talking of changes, you could also notice a subtle glow in RKB's face; and if you peered your eyes very hard, you could also make out a halo! There was also a permanent grin on his face – his glasses needed change for they rose permanently above his eyes as his cheeks swelled. His walk became the talk of the town and his six packs (in making) was discussed as profusely as Shahrukh's. His flat-mates SG and SM confirmed that his voice expressed authority and gravity, more so when connected via RCom to Ms. R.

There are more changes that cannot be mentioned in a public forum, but those changes have been dissected and analyzed multiple times over chai-pakora at 102, Nirvana. But one last change worth mentioning is the whole idea of getting engaged; when your complete attention and time is reserved for something/somebody. We have not met for two weekends now, he rarely picks his SE handset and does not share his RCom number, he rarely replies to mails. RKB has changed as he is engaged!

The idea of this post is not to make fun of RKB, for I have been experiencing 'the engagement' for good number of years now. I have been into reliance, I have heard people talking about my glow and grin, I have sucked at football, I have been dissected to the core at get-togethers. But I know I have loved every moment of my engagement, and so does RKB (love his moments). I wish RKB and Ms. R all the joys and fun in life!

PS (in bold and caps) : The changes in RKB are a welcome relief!!! ;)

:X~ NotManish

Zebra

2008-11-13T11:37:00.003+05:30

This is a very old post (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2005/11/zebra.html) that I am repeating. But I am repeating it with an intent! I came across a website (http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html) that translates whatever you type to something a 12 year old AOLer would write as. The results are darn funny....(Pardon me for the all caps thing...thats how the results came :( )

ZEBRAS…WEIRD CREATUR3S!!!!! WTF LOL THEY LOK SO MUCH LIEK HORS3S…EXCEPT TAHT THEY SEM 2 B PANET3D DAXTAROSLEY BY AN ARTIST BLAK AND WHIET!!1!!1!! WTF LOL 3ARLEIR WHEN I SAW THEM IN BOKS I UESD 2 WOND3R WUT WUD HAPEN WH3N IT RANES H3AVILY…WIL DA COLORS JUST M3LT AND TH3Y WUD BCOME AL WHIET OR AL BLAK FOR TAHT MATER…I CUD NOT SETLA FOR ONA COLOR NAVER KNEW WHICH COLOR I LIEKD MOR3!1!!! WTF ACTUALY I DID I WUD LIEK MAH Z3BRA 2 B RED AND WHIET…NOTHNG 2 DO WIT TEH BRAEVRY AWARDS…ZEBRAS R NOT BRAEV!1!1!1!! OMG LOL I JUST WISHED THEY W3R3 RED AND WHIET R3D SI TEH COLOR I SOMEHOW LIEK…BUT TH3N THOUGHT OTHARWIES!!11! OMG LOL I CUD NOT VISUALIEZ A R3D AND WHIET Z3BRA CROSNG IT WAS A SHAED 2 SPECTACULAR!!!!!!1 THEN MAH THOUGHTS WUD WANDER A LITLA FARTHER…IF ZEBRAS WERE R3D AND WHIET AND ZEBRA CROSNGS BLAK AND WHIET OR VIEC VARSA FOR TAHT MAT3R…WUD THEY STIL B CALED Z3BRA CROSNGS OR SOMATHNG 3LSE?!?!????? OMG /> />MY BMUESM3NTS WIT Z3BRAS DO NOT END HERE!!11! OMG LOL I WAS PARPLAX3D BY DA PRONUNCIATION OF Z3BRA AS WEL!1111 WAS IT ZAY-BRA AS I KNOW OR WAS IT ZE-BRA?!??? OMG WTF O!!11111 OMG LOL SHUT UP SOURAV PANI…DON’T THINK!111!! OMG WTF LOL I TREID AN ASORTMANT OF DICTIONAREIS TOKNG ON3S COZ TEH ONES TAHT DO NOT TOK GIEV DA PRONUNCIATION 2 CONFUES U FURTHER!11!1! LOL WEBSTER’S SAYS Z3BRA – NOUN ‘ZEBRU …DO3S THES HELP!!!!1111!!1!111!!!!!11 OMG I WAS CONFUESD WIT DA FIRST SYLABL3 IF IT HAS TWO SYLABL3S (ACTUALY I HAEV NO IEDA) NOW IT ADS DOUBT 2 DA SACOND SYLABLA ALSO!!1!!!!1111!11!!!1!11!1 WTF LOL SO DA TOKNG DICTIONAREIS…BUT THEY PROVAD INCONS3QU3NTIAL 2

ZEBRAS!11!1111 OMG LIEK HORS3S BLONG 2 DA FMILEY EQUIDAE!!1!!!!!! OMG LOL THEY LOK LIEK HORS3S ACT LIEK HORS3S THEN HOW COM3 PAOPLE DO NOT RIED THAM LIEK HORSES?!?!!??! LOL WUDN’T DA HORS3 RAECS B MORE IMPRESIEV IF THEY WAR3 ZEBRA RAECS?

IM NOT VERY FOND OF ANIMALS STIL I UESD 2 WATCH NATIONAL GAOGRAPHIC AND DISCOVERY JUST 2 SATIAET MAH RUMINATIONS ON ZABRAS!!!1!1 LOL I LEARNT A LOT ABOUT SHARKS CROS REPTIELS BUT NOTHNG ON ZEBRAS!111!!! WTF DA ON3 ANIMAL I HAD DEVALOPED A KIND OF LIKNG AND IT WAS 2TALY MISNG FROM DA TALAVISION CHANALS!1!11!111 I MEAN TH3Y HAEV GOT TIEM 2 CAPTURA A SHAKTI KAPOR AND MAN VERMA Y NOT A ZEBRA?

R3M3MBR?!!!???!? WTF LOL WHEN WE W3R3 KIDS!1!!! LOL A S2D FOR APLA OR AERO PLAEN B FOR BAL BALON OR BOY…BUT Z ALWAYS WAS ZEBRA…IN AL DA BOKS!!!

ZEBRAS…W3IRD!!!1!1! LOL CREATUR3S!!!1!

:X~ NotManish

Dussehra in Bangalore

2008-10-07T15:26:00.003+05:30

Dussehra @ RBANMS ground, Bangalore

http://blogger.com Tags: dussera, bangalore, durga, puja, RBANMS, bengali

Twenty-Nine

2008-10-03T15:29:00.004+05:30

I started this year with a leap year post (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2008/01/2008-year.html). There was another leap that followed very soon (http://notmanish.blogspot.com/2008/01/first-leap-by-oh-no.html). But the leaps after that have been scarce...rather non existent. I attribute the lack of my leaps to pseudo tendinitis in my right knee and the knee next to it (when I am standing alone)...I have been forbidden to take more leaps for now. How I got this deadly malady is another story, probably I will follow it in some other post. In this post, I will talk about twenty-nine...which somehow has marvelously linked itself with my concept of leaping in a leap year. (Hint: February has 29 days :O)

This leap year (after I was confirmed to be suffering from pseudo tennis elbow syndrome in my knees), I took up something which I could do sitting down and people would never complain "Look, he is leaping!" I got hooked up to twenty-nine...an obscure card game played in eastern belt of India. 29 is poor man's bridge, something analogous to Yercaud being poor man's Ooty. I tried to research on why its called so...and the only plausible reason that I can infer (from my research) is that even if you have a card or two missing, still there is a good chance that you can play the game. A little calculation suggests that you have 38.46 percent chances of playing 29 if a card is missing from the pack...and 14.33 % if 2 cards are missing. Good enough for a game!!!

The rules are very simple...you get 4 cards to start with, and you guess how many points you can make. You get another 4 cards...and for victory you have to make the points you called, or stop the other team to make the points they call. You can try to remember the cards played, try calculating the next moves...but going purely by instincts would not make you a bad player either! Mr. R will not be pleased to hear this, but lately I have seem the instinct players winning handsomely over Mr. R who is more of a mathematical player. Mr. R might argue that he is disenchanted (rather enchanted) these days, but results speak powerfully than the emotions.

The detailed rules of the game can be found on this link - http://www.pagat.com/jass/29.html

"Whats the fun?" you may ask. It might look like a silly stupid game...but the magnitude of addiction surpasses those provided by alcohol, money, war, FIFA, drugs and sex (or all combined). I have heard people sitting in a session of 29 with five fingers on each hand and got up with four! (Hint: Erosion)

This game has been integral part of our circle for long, and gradually the game has evolved from being a hobby to a criteria to be a part of our circle. Anyone who gets married in our circle has to ensure that his/her better half knows the game or learns it before setting foot in Tippasandra/HSR. We judge the person's endurance, emotional stability, ability to handle pressure, accuracy, persistence, patience and a lot of other things while playing this game. 29 is so flawless in judging people that it can be used for JEE/CAT one day. We are anxiously waiting for a bout of 29 with (soon to be) Mrs. R to check if she fits in! Even if she does, she is going to have a tough time with Mr. R and his famous "Kya soch kar chale the!!!.........."

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: 29, twenty-nine, card, game

Road Trip – BLR-Munnar

2008-09-08T13:34:00.008+05:30

Sleeping late in the night and hoping to get up early is a fantasy. We dared to fantasize but not fulfill it. The alarm was set for 0500 and we left the comforts of our home by 0600.(Ideally we should have started at 0400)

0615
'Safed hathi', fully loaded (with people and grub) was cruising at 80kmph when I remembered that I had not reset the trip meter. We had just crossed E.City...so it must be around 15 kms that we had covered. The trip meter now read 0. The song playing in the background was the title song from forgettable 'Sawariya' on 94.3 Radio One. It was too early on Independence day to get a flag, which my wife demanded.

Hosur was hell. With construction going on, the road had been reduced to a half feet ditches. Swifts high ground clearance helped...the under chassis never touched the ground. Four laned express highway greeted us after hosur, rest of the journey till Krishnagiri was a pleasure.

0730 – 66 kms (+15 for resetting the trip meter late)
The first break was at A2B, BPCL just before Krishnagiri. Every car in Bangalore seems to be on the roads during extended weekends. We did not find a place to park, so breakfast was postponed for the next pit stop. Checking air took 20 mins at this place :( Another 15 mins were lost at the toll plaza. Whole of Bangalore seemed to be cashing on the extended weekend.

0840 – 73 kms (+15)
I expected the roads to continue to be good, but this was not to be. After Krishnagiri, four-laning work is in progress. Frequent diversions with patches of good roads but with oncoming traffic slowed us considerably. Radio one had given way for collection of songs on the pen drive; hunger had started to rule over other emotions, and we still did not have the flag.

0945 - 109 kms (+15)
It was something past 9:30 when we finally stopped some 5-6 kms before dharmapuri for food. It was a roadside dhaba, luckily the guy running it was fluent in Hindi. We ordered 3 onion uttapams and ended up having six. ( Not bad for a late breakfast/early lunch.) The sambhar was good, and the tomato chutney that followed was terrific if not exagerrated. The guy did not have tea or coffee, and he had only one bottle of packed water with him...still we left gratified.

I was now on the passengers seat, as my father-in-law took over the wheels; I would get my chance after lunch. Dharmapuri bypass was also under construction, we had to crawl our way through the city. Next 30 odd kms after Dharmapuri was through the beautiful Thoppur ghat section. Roads were good, and we cruised at 80-90 kmph.

1030 – 125 kms (+15)
We avoided Salem (and more four-laning work) by taking a noticeable right turn at Thoppur Junction. The roads from here till Bhavani is 2-lane, but the traffic is less and the roads are in pretty good condition. The next 38 kms till Mettur was a breeze...

On Salem Bypass to Mettur...

1110 – 163 kms (+15)
Another tea break just after Mettur dam. Clicked a few pics while crossing the dam. I was worried that it might just get dark when we reach Munnar and driving in the ghat section with only headlights would be dangerous. The journey till Bhavani was largely uneventful except that my car lost the left rear view mirror somewhere before Bhavani. :( :( :(

Mettur Dam and reservoir...

From Bhavani, I took over the wheels again. Just after Bhavani we met the Salem-Coimbatore national highway. Again a lot of construction, pot hole filled roads...but this did not last for long. Next couple of places we crossed were Perundurai followed by Vijaypuri. At Vijaypuri, we left the NH47 and moved on to scenic and nice state highways.

1335 – 286 kms (+15)
Lunch break was supposed to be at Tiruppur but we were running behind schedule. We found a place which looked like a government shopping mall. Got some egg puffs and lots of water from this place. Tiruppur is a town where you are sure to get lost, so keep asking for directions at every turn. We got lost twice but managed to find the road to Palladam in the end. It was already 1400 hrs. I filled up my Swift with fuel...did some calculations and felt very happy instantly. The car was clocking 16+ mileage with AC on...

After Tiruppur, till Udumalpetai...its a heavenly sight. There are thousands of wind mills all along the road and you are refreshed instantly. We did not miss a chance to click a few snaps on the way.

Windmills...

Palladam was 17 kms from Tiruppur, and Udumalpetai a 42 more. We did the distance in some really good time and were near the base of the hills (Udumalpetai) by 1530 hrs. Another tea-break and snacks. Munnar is 88 kms from Udumalpetai, the roads are single laned and through the Chinar forest reserve. This part of the journey was going to be exciting!

Check-Post 1 – 20 rupees for passing through this one. All the travel details and car registration number was noted down, and got some 'gyan' in return - “you should come early sir, its dangerous to drive in the night!!”
Check-Post 2, 3, 4 – 10 rupees this time...similar gyan.

The sights were breathtaking at every turn from here...tea gardens all over the hills interspersed by an occasional waterfall from nowhere! We had black coffee somewhere in the mountains, and liked the taste so much that my daily quota of caffeine comes from black coffee these days. Driving in the ghats was an experience when the fellow passengers were mystified and excited about the view outside while I concentrated on driving! It was only by 18:30 that we were in Munnar town...when the trip meter read 430 kms.

Well, my trip did not end here as I had to go 17 kms more on Thekkady road to our resort...

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: Bangalore, Munnar, Road, trip, weekend, around bangalore, drive

Rainbow in Bangalore skies!

2008-09-03T19:36:00.003+05:30

The Cube

2008-08-22T15:46:00.003+05:30

It stands there, perhaps for a few year now...it was there when I first saw...and its there everyday when I see. It bears signs of life that is and history that was...through the stains in the carpet, and the scribbling on the whiteboard that some unknown has etched with permanent marker. Its my cube, where I am going to spend a quarter of my life.

The person who designed this cubicle thing, would have been a lone traveler spending his nights in damp, sordid dormitories...and would have zeroed upon this idea of cubicle from them. Cubicles as I perceive, are dormitories where you sit rather than sleep. You have got an assigned chair, a storage unit, common bathrooms, people and karaoke, your own water bottle. Extra that you get is high speed internet.

Freshly out of college, in my first job, I was introduced to this cubicle concept. In a cubicle, you have two walls meeting at right angles...you sit in a manner that you face the wall, and have a pseudo feeling that you have all the privacy on earth. Reality dawns upon you when you turn around! I was put in a similar cube then 4 years ago...I have changed offices, I have changed jobs...but the cube has been the same everywhere.

I have been unfortunate, or it is a standard design...my whiteboard has always been on my left side (and I am not ambidextrous); the soft part of the wall where board pins go are farthest from my reach and sight; I always get those flashy colored walls that hurts my eyes! On the other side of the wall, there has always been a creature or two, of the fairer sex, who cannot suppress their enthusiasm to express vividly...and the places I have worked has never provided me with noise cancellation headphones. Inadvertently the AC duct is always closest to my chair, and the pantry the farthest.

The drawbacks have been many...but I feel the advantages of working in a cubicle outnumber and outplay the drawbacks. I have become more social, vocal and outrageous. I am not afraid of crowd as I am always surrounded by one. I always smile when I stand, as there is always someone to smile at. I am more organized now as I have to pack all my stuff in one small storage unit. My eyes can focus better, and my left hand is as good as my right. I feel energized as their is no blocked energy ( as per vaastu, walls block energy but false walls do not). I have discovered that I can aim very well when I try to put paper balls in others bins. I have learnt to keep my cup clean. I can identify corners and head for one in social gatherings. Cubicle do not have doors, so I have one less thing to worry about in life...weather to keep the door closed or open...but this one has a downside...I really wanted to slam the door behind me when I resigned from my last job!!!

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: cube, cubicle, office, workplace, workstation

60 ml

2008-07-24T11:30:00.005+05:30

One half-wit said a decade ago that life was like a box of chocolates. It might hold significance in 1994, but I would beg to differ today. Life is not a box of chocolates. Life is like 60 ml...60 ml of Jack Daniels adulterated only with ice, 60 ml of Belvedre mixed with fresh orange juice, 60 ml of Cabernet just before you go to sleep or 60 ml of Calvados just after you brush your teeth.

This 60 ml has been objurgated for long. The drinkers have been chided, derided, berated, trounced and thrashed at the slightest opportunity. Consuming alcohol has been termed as sin and unholy, which causes immorality...a lecture on health and social costs associated with alcohol abuse are always on offering. But why is it unholy to drink? Be it any religion on earth, alcohol has always been a part of it. The Romans had an independent God of wine Dionysus, the Christians celebrate Eucharist or the Lord's Supper and the Jews celebrate Shabbat. Indra was a big time Somaras lover. Jesus said that what comes out of our mouths will defile us, not what goes in. And the first miracle that he performed was turning water to wine! Consuming your 60 ml is definitely not ungodly...

Ever noticed who are the happiest people on earth? Stand in front of bars, pubs, or the very Indian thekas...and you will see not one unhappy soul coming out. There would be a song on every lip, a spring in every step (if they are able to take one). 60 ml creates happiness, 60 ml * X creates X times happiness.(by simple arithmetic) :D

The good thing about 60 ml is that you do not need an occasion to consume it. It can be reveled when you are happy and partying, it can be downed when you are morose and alone. A beer mug and a soccer match make a equally good pair as wine and dinner with your sweetheart. Made as your favorite cocktail or gulped with plain tap water, the 60 ml always makes you high. Alcohol perhaps is the only substance that stimulates every portion of your body...all the taste buds on your tongue are involved, followed by a burning sensation down your neck to your stomach...you breathe of alcohol...your stomach, your intestine gets affected...even your bowels are different next morning. You feel weak and numb in the legs, but astoundingly strong in the head! Your spirits soar, you dream things you have never dreamt before...and you become a really honest person...to yourself and people around. Some people even say that your heart becomes happy as some HDLs are broken to LDLs.

Happy heart and happy feet and 60 ml in your hand...life is perfect. No disgrace to chocolates or the chocolate lovers, but life is not a box of chocolates unless they are Remy Martins or Jack Daniels in a crust of dark chocolate. Life is like 60 ml...grab the one you like...and LET THE GOOD TIMES BEGIN!

:X~ NotManish

Some people walk in the rains, others just get wet...

2008-06-25T11:12:00.004+05:30

Monsoons have set in the country...a bit early but who is complaining! Its a welcome relief from the scorching summers.

I remember the summer days when I would come back from school. We used to have morning sessions to beat the summer heat and we would be back home before noon. Still it was summer time and it was supposed to be blistering hot, at least that's what my mother would think. I was always welcomed home with a glass of glucose or milkshake. It actually did get really hot in the months of May-June, but nature had its ways of moderation. I used to sit beside the window sill when everyone at home would be sleeping; waiting for the clouds to build up gradually for rains. It would happen every week...a sudden downpour...and everything would turn green. People would come out in their verandas, and children on the road. Everyone would be enjoying the rains...including the guy selling lime-soda and the guy selling sugarcane juice. I used to wonder why these guys are having fun...they will not have any more business today...WHY?

I was curious, but normally I would summate my own answers. But for this one...I would be largely clueless. Wisdom comes with age and experience, they say...and so it was. As I grew older (and wiser), I could understand that things are to be valued as they come. Everything, I mean everything, has a hidden virtue...and every moment in life has a hidden meaning, having a innate joy or goodness in it...we just have to find it and relish it. There are certain contexts in life, the settings of which are not really appealing to us...in fact they may even be painful and overbearing...but they happen for a cause...that are not blatantly visible. The cause will never be visible looking forward...but it will always make sense when you look back. As Steve Jobs put it in his lecture at Stanford - "...you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life."

Yeah! when you trust that YOUR moments are going to connect sometime in future...you will savor them. Stop cribbing and start living...don't just get wet in the rains next time...walk...enjoy...have life!

:X~ NotManish

Auto Wah! llas...

2008-06-17T15:13:00.004+05:30

Consistency is the quality of a stagnant mind/person...and no wonder Autowallas in Bangalore are consistent...they never move! Be it the most lucrative options dangling before their eyes, they choose to remain stagnant. The other day I needed to go from HSR to Thippasandra. The monotone that happened between him and me would put Dr. No to shame...

M - "Bhaiya Thippasandra?"
A - "nahi"
M - "Kormangala?"
A - "nahi"
M - "Jakkasandra?"
A - "nahi"
M - "Malleshwaram? Yeshwantpur? Whitefield? Bannerghatta?"
A - "Nahi"
Frustrated I retorted - "jahan jaoge wahi le chalo!"

After spending 4 years in Chennai, I thought I was very capable of haggling with autowallas. I could successfully bring down the asking price to one-third of what they demanded, that too without knowing their lingo. Bangalore, I thought, would be simple after that, considering the autos are not all yellow but the familiar yellow and black like home. But the familiarity ended there...my tryst with the Bangalore autowallah left me agonizingly close to a depression and literally stranded on the road. My defences lay bare, as this was an unchartered territory. I had never learnt how to argue when autowallah says "NO".

Next few days were not easy! I started getting used to get straight-faced "NO" from these guys, only to walk to the next one. Probably Mr. Dravid learnt this virtue to be patient by trying to travel in Bangalore autos. I got used to it, although unhappily. The day I got my motorbike, I was a happy man. I thought that my rendezvous with Bangalore autowallahs had finally ended. But my joy did not even take its first meal after being born...I noticed autowallahs were all over Bangalore. They had painted the town yellow and black! They were on the main roads, they were on the arterial roads, they were in the colonies...they were on the footpaths! And I, had to ride my bike through them!

In Bangalore, there are three sets of traffic rules. One that you and me know, and every motorist follows. Second, followed by the good old BMTC buses. Third set are for the autos. Of the three, the rules for the autos are most simplistic. I call them the seven rules for highly effective autos...
1. If there is a road/footpath, you can drive on it.
2. There are no oneways, wrong sides etc for you.
3. You can park where ever you wish...no questions asked.
4. Its a signal free city, for you.
5. Your auto has one real wheel and two virtual. If your real wheel (the one in front) can pass through an empty space, the virtual wheels will follow on its own, you do not have to care for them.
6. You can use petrol, diesel, kerosene, domestic LPG...whatever you want...you just have to make the goddamn thing moving!
7. You have the right for "first refusal".

After the movie Dhoom, drag races have been very common in Bangalore. We regularly see these races on Outer Ring Road or Intermediate Ring Road...six lanes of amazing roads, and 4-5 autos vying for the top honours...riding side by side...and commoners watch the spectacle from behind.

The picture is not all that bleak. As a rider, I have developed a good reflex system riding in Bangalore. I have to be on a constant watch for autos coming from any direction and autos turning in any direction without notice. I have started enjoying wild sports - drag auto races...I have even done betting on them, while in traffic, and made some money. I have become more patient and calm. Overall I can say, my knowledge about autos and autowallahs is near complete, and I am prepared for autowallas of any city in India, after being in Bangalore.

:X~ NotManish

Technorati Tags: auto rickshaw, Bangalore, auto, tempo

Crude Shock!

2008-06-12T12:05:00.001+05:30

This one is depressing, have a phantom heart before you tread further.

Let us start with some figures...

53.20/13=4.09

58.20/13=4.47

Kms/Month - 870

4.09 was the cost of running my vehicle per kilometer before 05/06/08 and 4.47 is the running cost since then...and I do 870 kms per month...My purse is going to be hit by 348 rupees give and take a few.

348 - what is the big deal in that! That would be less than a percent of what the Big O pays you! Definitely true, by all odds, but I guess I am not finished as yet.

More calculations - The increase would affect the the inflation alone by 0.6 in positive way...pertaining to figures, and negative way for others. Roughly speaking, if I was spending 15k for grocery and other things, now I will end up spending 90 rupees more. That brings the household budget deficit by 438. These are the immediate impacts that would be seen within a fortnight.

The non-immediate impacts would be travel by air twice a year. Lets say I spend 20k for travel per year that would now be 21k. Divided by 12 would be 83 rupees rounded to the nearest integer. Total figure has crossed 500, I am already jittery so let us leave this here

Well, its not all bleak as it sounds. The amount of money that our oil companies were losing everyday was in the tune of crores. And the poor finmin would have come back to us through taxes. Now at the least, only those will pay who are using it...and they also will be more judicial.

:X~ NotManish

Mangoes!

2008-05-16T16:03:00.002+05:30

When David Davidar wrote 'The House of Blue Mangoes', I for one was not a happy man. Giving the due credit to blue variety is good, but what fault had the green and yellow ones done! I, being a person who believes in equal opportunity and equal recognition, would want all kinds of mangoes to be portrayed in equal light.

Why did he chose to write only about blue mangoes? The reasons could be aplenty. Having a mind that can think, I tried to carefully analyze the choice of blue mangoes. One plausible reason would be the melancholy and despondency involved while writing a book. Mind you, its not easy. When a person looks at the space behind him littered with paper made into balls, he is sure to think about the expenses involved. Above that, the sheer pressure to churn out a bestseller can make any person feel blue...

Blue is the color of the sky. Blue is the color of the ocean. Blue symbolizes the aristocracy and the nobility. Blue mangoes must be the nobler variety that stood tall among the other commoners in mangoes.

Blue is also suggestive of sexual impropriety. Nothing sexual is involved in the reproduction process of mangoes...but thoughts can run amok. I do not want to, but it can be imagined...

Mangoes (belonging to the genus Mangifera) are cultivated in many tropical regions worldwide. The fruit has orange/yellow pulp inside...even the blue variety one and tastes exactly like mango. If the classification is done on variety (and not on color), few fruits can match mango. The Alphonsos, Bangaloras, Banganpallis, Bombais, Dasheharis, Fajlis, Fernnadins, Himsagars, Kesars, Kishens Bhogs, Langras, Mankurads, Mulgoas, Neelums, Chausas, Suvarnarekhas, Vanrajs, Zardalus...the varieties can fill an encyclopedia. And there's another one getting famous these days - bina guthli wala. Whatever be the variety, they are all green/yellow/orange but can be made blue by beating.

Grab your share of mangoes this summer...enjoy it the way you like. But never be partial to a particular shade or type. It hurts people like me who have never differentiated mangoes on caste, creed, sex, color or religion. Have a heart for the juicy fruit. Now go feast!

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: mango, blue, david, davidar

The Great Family Nourisher - A Tribute

2008-04-03T15:51:00.003+05:30

Perhaps the only other health drink that comes close to competition and fan following is Complan. Horlicks has been a household name in India, from times I even cannot remember. So here is a tribute to the great family nourisher, if it weren't blood it would be Horlicks throbbing in my veins.

A little bit of history:

James and William Horlicks made it first and marketed it as an infant food - way back in 1873! And they patented it as the first drink that was prepared mixing powder in hot water. The first world war made this drink gain immense popularity among soldiers, yeah! they swore by Horlicks when they obliterated their enemies. Horlicks candies were introduced in 1935 and later Horlicks tablets were used in second world war! I don't know why back home why Gandhiji did not use it during Satyagraha? The only plausible reason would be that Horlicks was introduced to Indians only in 1960. The Punjabis were the first to get it, probably that explains their physique. Beecham group acquired it, then SmithKline finally Glaxo owns the brand.

Well, history has not been all kind to Horlicks. Horlicks advertisement in UK showed a woman completely worn out, only to be rejuvenated by a hot cup of Horlicks. The Brits then derived the phrase 'a complete Horlicks' meaning a total mess. Horlicks drinkers are often heard saying - Don't mess with me or I will make you a complete Horlicks.

When I was junior, there was no junior Horlicks, so I had to do with senior Horlicks. And it used to cost about 20 rupees for half a kg! I used to be very fond of it, more in the powdery form, as it tickled the palate more than when adulterated with hot water. To make it more wholesome, I used to mix 1 tblspn of Horlicks with equal quantities of Glucon-D, dairy whitener, and little bit of coffee. Mind it, this mixture had to be kept as far as possible from water/milk. If time and resources permitted, I would add some fresh cream to it and sandwich the mixture between two Thin Arrowroot biscuits. Man! if there was heaven anywhere, it was right there in my kitchen.

Many would despise the thought, but the I loved the taste of Colgate and Horlicks together. I did not use Colgate in absence of fresh cream, rather Horlicks followed brushing my teeth for a good 3-4 years. I used to get up at 4 in Std 9 (just because I got a new alarm clock), had Horlicks and slept again. I had the 'thing' in me...zest, zeal whatever you call it, just that hot Horlicks was a sleep inducer, and I slept many mornings on the study table. Half of the souls smelled Horlicks in RN Singh's early morning tuition, the other half smelled of last night's food, when we started going for tutions. And Horlicks it was that produced instant energy when we came back from play.

Every person in Bokaro who went to the local milkman to get milk, would be on the constant lookout for a Horlicks bottle. That used to be standard amongst people for measuring half a litre. And I remember the times when the guys at SmithKline changed the design of the bottle. There was rage and furore in Bokaro over the design change. If there had been Aajtak then, Bokaro would have been in headlines. No discussion was complete without a mention of the design change! I remember my mother buying an old version of Horlicks bottle for Rs. 12 and my father was aghast because he had got the bottle plus the contents for Rs. 7 sometime back in 1970's!

Horlicks has seen a lot of variations, right from Horlicks biscuits, junior horlicks, chocolate one and Woman Horlicks. But the original malt one has been above any competition for years. Horlicks finds its ways into my cornflakes and milkshakes occasionally...I still swear by Horlicks.

:X~ NotManish

Image courtesy - http://www.anchorfoods.net/food-service/images/horlicks.jpg

http://blogger.com Tags: horlicks, health drink, smithkline, glaxo, beecham

I am the 'I' in India

2008-03-10T16:53:00.002+05:30

At this time, the euphoria is undying, the fervor nonpareil. India has been victorious down-under, and India U-19 has lifted the world cup. Every person in this country is talking about the success as Dhoni and men have written a new history. Indians stand united; the joy is same for the people in Meerut as well as Kothamangalam, Kerela.

Indians stood united, when they were cheated in Sydney. Indians stood united, when Harbhajan was accused of slandering Symonds, and Indians stood united after the CB series win...even when one Raj was talking few Marathi Manoos away from being wholly Indian. Indians stand united every year on 15th of August and 26th of January, Indians stand united everytime some Raghavendra wins a medal in Olympics or some Sunita Williams does us proud, and Indians stand united everytime a Kargil happens!

A Bharat Bala shows us some video on television and we feel a momentary passion and patriotism for our country. A Lata creates a lump in our throat with her soulful rendition "Aye mere watan ke...” But why do we stand united only on few days of the year? Why do we need reasons to celebrate, or calamities to bring us together? Why on only two days we wear the tricolor on our shirt pockets and sing the national anthem? Why do we not sing our national anthem along with our daily prayers? Lead India campaign makes us the praise the initiative, but how many of us remember it the next day we wake up?

I am the 'I' in India - when will we all think this way?

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: India

The missing brick

2008-02-21T23:33:00.003+05:30

This is a short story from Paulo Coelho's life. In an amazingly simplified way, he tells us to go and find the missing brick in our life...and not change our plans!

Once, when I and my wife were travelling, I received a fax from my secretary.

‘There’s one glass brick missing for the work on the kitchen renovation,’ she said. ‘I’m sending you the original plan as well as the plan the builder has come up with to compensate for it.’

On the one hand was the design my wife had made: harmonious lines of bricks with an opening for ventilation. On the other hand was the plan drawn up to resolve the problem of the missing brick: a real jigsaw puzzle in which the glass squares were arranged in a higgledy-piggledy fashion that defied aesthetics.

‘Just buy another brick,’ wrote my wife. And so they did and thus stuck to the original design.

That afternoon, I thought for a long time about what had happened; how often, for the lack of one brick, we completely distort the original plan of our lives.

:X~ NotManish

The First LeaP - by OH! No...

2008-01-31T10:58:00.000+05:30

This is logically a second leap, as having the thought of leaping is a leap in itself. As some wise man said once that well begun is half done. A little bit of self boasting never hurts, I began well with my earlier post and I will write for only 6 more months this year as half of the work is done.

I have been in this monkey business for a long time...twenty six to be precise. No, I did not leap in joy when I came into this world, I cried. Well, I had reasons...the nurse beat me in my posterior and that thing hurt! For almost a year after my birth I did not leap. I was spineless (literally) and my bones never supported the energy that I had. I could roll and yaw and sway but I could not pitch, heave or surge. I was not a complete ship/boat/canoe/barge at that time. By the time I was a year old and walking on my two feet, I had started leaping.

The first leap, as you may call it, is not vivid in my memory. Same with the second, third, fourth...even the last one. I guess I never thought it would be important to remember the leaps I had till I sat down to write about it. But I do remember a few of those. Rajnish, Bishal and I used to play 'dive catches' near the sand pit when we were in std 11. Funny sport it was, very indigenous and it involved a lot of leaping. Sigh! things have changed now...one has a knee problem, other has swollen laterally and the third lacks partners. We stick to playing Ludo and 29 these days.

A lot of the leaps of my lifetime have come in my days at college. I did not study as much as my parents wanted me to, and spent most of my time in the fields. Those were the days when running after a ball...sometimes with a stick in hand, sometimes without it...was fun. Few ankles were twisted, few heels were hurt when I leaped with vigor and fell with a thud! Still, it was an interesting phase in life...one of the best.

I have to take a cue from people around me, I wonder how they look busy for most part of the day...I will leap to work now as my career (one that feeds me) has taken a plunge recently.

Happy leaping,

:X~ NotManish

2008 - A 'Leap' year...

2008-01-11T14:42:00.000+05:30

At the beginning of year 2007, I did not think that to post a new blog article, I would have to rack my brains hard and search for words that make sentences and time to weave them into paragraphs. Things are worse, believe me; I even don't get fresh ideas and thoughts now.

I was a budding writer last year, thinking of making big by the time I was 30. Already having a few selected junta (mostly 'sitting on the chair and writing obscure code' guys) hitting my blog site everyday, I had planned what I was going to do with the name fame and money that I got when I would be successful. I could see myself standing with the likes of Shashi Tharoor, Kiran Desai and Jumpa Lahiri signing autographs in a jiffy, attending seminars and doing some cool talks. But I had thought too far too fast.

The burst of the bubble was gradual...like the ship which passes by without noticing you while you frantically wave at it, sitting in a raft alone in the sea. Things which seemed to be copious soon turned out to be scarce...a decay in the thought process was followed by a loss of my ability to envisage. Even the monitor and multimedia keyboard, which would induce a spurt of creativity earlier, could not instigate me to create. It was so unlike NotManish...I was Manish again...

If I have to find an excuse for what has happened, I can have a million of those...which I can repeat to make two million without people actually knowing! Safest would be to quote lack of time...responsibilities at work and home have increased. Not many would be fooled knowing the work IT people do...that's the reason why junta read my blogs. I can say that I have parted ways with my broadband provider Iqara and now rely on the unreliable Reliance net-connect. Another apology would be acute stress fracture or a tennis elbow syndrome to my better hand. Or my sudden realization that I have this strange malady where...apart from my thoughts not working...I cannot tie my shoe laces properly!

But I am not Manish...I am NotManish, and I am not supposed to provide self-justification...what impression would it leave on the commoners who follow me! A new beginning in the new year is cry. The year when NANO will be big...effort bigger than a nano is required from my side. Let 2008 be a LEAP year!

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: leap year, 2008, writer

Taare Aakash Mein

2007-12-27T13:49:00.001+05:30

I never write movie reviews in my blogs...except a few when I really can't stop myself from writing. The last time I did this was for Rang De Basanti...and now I am doing it for Taare Zameen Per...

In all probability, King Khan would not dare what our Mr. Perfectionist does and does with elan and finesse! No, I am not bashing SRK, for he did do something not so Shahrukh with Chak De! But still, he (enjoying the enviable position that he has), cannot do a 'Taare Zameen Per' or even a fraction of it.

The last time I had watched Aamir and Co, I had laughed, cried, felt a pang of guilt and unfathomable anger and galore of other emotions...I was stunned but still stood up and clapped...that was Rang De Basanti a few years back. This time also, a lot of those...probably not all...emotions came back, when I watched TZP. The end was the same...a stunned silence then loud cheers and claps!

There's freshness in the idea, and the plot has been woven beautifully into an amazing story. It has been backed by some stellar performance from the man himself, and the little Darsheel. The songs are soulful and not one out of context. Devoid of a regular actress, regular villain, item numbers and other bollywood masalas, the movie still makes you sit at the edge of your seat...(and it makes you forget that you are with your wife and you are just 1 month into marriage!)

There is a message for everyone of us who want to take it...but people who think all this message thing and "movies that make you think" crap, should still go and watch the movie...they will also enjoy...the "crap" will nonetheless seep in :)

:X~ NotManish

http://blogger.com Tags: taare zameen per, aamir khan, darsheel, TZP

Lead India

2007-12-13T12:25:00.001+05:30

The New Anthem...must watch...

Download link... http://www.esnips.com/doc/07d76017-905d-4fba-8a32-0d2b4bff0fbb/new_anthem

:X~ NotManish

Finally he does it...

2007-11-29T10:42:00.000+05:30

Yeah! the same crap by me again...apologizing for '2 months no post' thing. But my marriage and all came up...I guess I could not see it coming in time ;) But since its over and a month old, I will be regular here.

Moving directly to the reason why I had to leave the bliss of marriage and come down to write this piece of literature (which will go down as history one day) - Rajnish K Baranwal has finally - after years of coaxing, cuddling, persuading, persuading using force, chiding, bantering and other *ing - has changed his mobile phone! I know you cannot believe your ears! Even I could not when I heard the golden words from his mouth that he wants to buy a new mobile. And I could not believe my eyes when he actually did. I pinched myself three times (just to maintain the decrees of experimentation) before I finally could accept.

Tribute to the one gone : It was a Sony T230 bought three and a half years ago. It had wallpapers, themes, polyphonic ringtones, GPRS and 4096 colors. Bought at just over 6k, and having a bonus Spiderman theme, it was a thing to be desired. Coupled with a BSNL connection, you would really die to call on this cell phone - literally. Things changed with Airtel after a couple of years but by then the desire factor was missing...lots of fresh gizmos had come and they were willing to bid retirement to this simpleton. But the pressure to compete with them and succeed made him walk few extra yards. But it was no longer young and one fine day it stopped sending SMS. But a phone is for talking and it still did that very well. But the old bones, how far could they carry it...it gasped and panted for breath for every move it made. One fine day, the earphones and headphones stopped working.

That was it, the day when our fellow decided to part company with the old and get a new one. 18-November-2007 will go down in history as a very special date when we would celebrate the liberation of a soul from the body. Dumb people don't get it that easily. Here the liberation part represents the death of the phone as well as it represents Rajnish parting with the old phone itself. (Man, I am good!)

But Rajnish still has the T230 with him...I guess he read somewhere that antique things fetch a fortune! The new one...W810i can play music, do a lot of cool stuff and SEND SMS TOO!

:X~NotManish

Mis bah five runs!

2007-09-26T14:30:00.001+05:30

Twenty-Twenty, the new baby of Cricket, just out of the mother's womb...is being heralded as the next king of cricket! Very timely, the congress named Rahul Gandhi as the next general secretary of AICC. He might prove to be a twenty twenty version for people's waning interest in congress. Anyways, twenty-twenty was humdinger of a tournament, which even caused a huge drop in TRP's for Indian Idol and saas-bahu serials. The drama and emotions involved in T20 was far more than even Ekta Kapoor could conjure for all her serials combined.

The tournament started with the highest run chase in allotted 20 overs and ended with the dream of every cricket lover...India-Pak final. It provided with every kind of spice thats possible in cricket - some very exciting batting, some clever bowling, smart fielding, exciting run chases, fanfare, cheer leading girls. A cricket fan could not have asked for more in 3 hours. A perfect popcorn cricket where you could take your family out, have loads of fun, and never miss going to work. But it left the stalwarts of cricket...ya the old men, who never got a chance to play with white balls...that what will happen to technique and craft. It will just be whacking the ball as hard as you can. Alas! everyting will be lost and coaches will teach only reverse sweeps and paddle shots! Dole Shole would be compulsary to be a good cricketer! But perhaps they did not see Yuvraj hitting those six sixes with proper cricketing shots, and they did not see Afridi failing every time with the bat. They also could not perhaps see Bracken and Gul bowl all the types of deliveries they might have learnt in their lifetime. The debate would never end, but no one would contend the fact that everyone who watched, enjoyed!

The grand finale between two craziest nations that follow cricket, had our "chak de India" khan cheering for Dhoni and his men in blue. The contest was keenly fought with the balance swinging as many times in favor of both teams as the see-saw I used to play upon in childhood. In the end it was only 13 required for Pakistan in an over and 1 wicket for India to be the first T20 champions. With a wide and six, it was only six required when Misbah miscued one to Sreesanth. India celebrated and Pakistan said - Mis Bah Five Runs!

:X~ Not Manish

Blogged with Flock

Row over platform ticket...

2007-09-19T18:05:00.000+05:30

Before you start reading, a word of advice for all you readers - please follow the rules, buy a platform ticket before you step your foot on any of the platforms of any of the stations of Indian Railways. Its not about getting fined, its about being responsible citizens.

I am a responsible citizen and I was a responsible citizen that day too when I walked to ticket counter 59 of some railway station for a platform ticket. The guy blatantly refused to give me a platform ticket stating that I should try other counters. The other counters had a long queue of people waiting to take current tickets. I still would have bought the ticket, but I was in a hurry...I entered the station feeling a bit guilty.

After doing all the activities that one normally does when one goes to see people off...I treaded my way back towards the exit. I was stopped and asked for a platform ticket which I unfortunately could not produce. I tried convincing the person that I was a responsible citizen and it was only that some railway employee had forced me into that situation. The person had nothing to do with it and I had to shell out 500 INR for an event that was neither independent nor mutually exclusive. There is no dearth of synonyms for this human emotion, I was infuriated.

I walked into the office of the station master and blasted the first person in the room. As things happen in government offices, I was directed and redirected to a number of people, till I met someone kind enough to understand my problem. The person was off duty, but still he empathaized with me. He called up a few people, nailed down on the booking officer as the culprit, drew a proper map leading to the culprit's office and assured me that I could reach him anytime if my problem was not solved.

Taking his cue, assurances and the map, my next destination was booking officer's office. Reaching there, I explained my problem and asked for a complain book. The booking clerk who had denied me the platform ticket, was also present there. Surprisingly he accepted his fault and pleaded not to make a complaint against him as he would lose his job. I relented. But what about my 500 that I had paid! Then, I did something wrong but considering the time of the night and other circumstances, I still feel I could not have done anything better...I took my money as bribe and walked off.

:X~ NotManish

Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity

2007-08-23T10:59:00.000+05:30

There was once a competition of creative writing. The topic was “Wine”. Many intellectuals had come to display their mettle and give the best in the duration of 1 hour. Just when some 15 minutes was left, a humble looking contender arrived, all soaked up. He was supposedly caught in the rain. This man knew that it was close to “time-up”, still he insisted on competing. The entire auditorium echoed with comments while the judges seemed perplexed. There were competitors who had written spreads, and here was the one who thought he could make a difference in just 10 minutes. With smirks, the person was handed over with the topic. The gentleman thought for a while scribbled something, and submitted the paper. In the next 2 hours, he was receiving the award for best creative writer. And this is what he wrote - “I took a glass of water, and looked intensely... then I bowed down and kissed it... It blushed.”

Creativity is definitely not stupidity, on the contrary is the rare mark of intellectual excellence. It is not about profound thinking either, but about strong emotional / intellectual outburst – that occurs in a rare moment. It is a moment when stupidity stops... a moment that comes like a flash and makes you realise something that lesser humans cannot.

And thus, we have R.K Laxman's common man gaining a cult status. This great cartoonist – a creative person takes inspiration from the environment and presents it to us in the most pleasurable, yet hard hitting manner. And as he says his inspiration comes in a moment and without wasting time, he draws his common man. Dancers like Birju Maharaj's steps become more significant, when they are struck with the sudden power of realization of their surroundings. It’s only the sudden creativity that makes great poets like Rabindranath, and painters like MH hussain.

Most of the creative people realise that their ideas hit them in one special moment – that has no time, place in particular. The enlightenment they get seems a secret. Sometimes they comprehend what makes them creative, and sometimes they don't. And to explain in common terms they only say "Creativity is the sudden cessation of stupidity"

:X~ NotManish

Toothpaste

2007-07-28T22:00:00.000+05:30

What is my fetish with nail biting, dandruff, toothpaste or stuff like that? Nothing much, just that there are amazing number of people talking about our new president, Tendulkar’s lost touch, iphone, Ash-Abhi or the strengthening rupee. And an equally good number of people talk about global warming, Potter’s deathly hallows, baba Ramdev or the Fiat’s 500. But no one, and I mean no one, gives the due credit to the common things that are always there, are important but always taken for granted. Does anyone write about the Godrej seven lever locks that have been protecting our houses for ages or the coffee mug that you got free with Nescafe 100 gm pack? The natraj show lace that holds your shoes on your feet, you bought them when the original broke someday…it never gets its recognition. I am no Medha Patkar…but I am no less.

Airbus A380, its sheer magnitude and Olympian presence makes a corner of your heart skip a beat! You wonder “What an engineering spectacle!” But if I say that the toothpaste tube is equally and engineering wonder if not more? Yes it is. If you ever have a chance to lay hands on A380, a screwdriver, a spanner and a jack perhaps…try dismantling and assembling it back a few times and see if it still works! Now unscrew and screw the cap of the toothpaste tube a zillion times…voila! It still works…

The type of toothpastes in the Indian market number 57 and the type of motorbikes are just 43. Don’t bother verifying the numbers, they are made up…but the bottom line is, if toothpaste was not important, FMCG companies would not go lengths to manufacture so many kinds of it. The plain white calcium fluoride one or the red, blue and green gel ones; one with active salt and other with central mouthwash core encapsulated in gel; some are with whitening granules to polish your teeth while others have goodness of neem and good old datun. HLL has two big brands lined side by side under the toothpaste section and both make good money.

77% of the country’s population use toothpaste at least once a day (numbers made up again), and 32% of it, twice. A miniscule number, with a thing for self-cleansing, do it thrice. Let us not get caught in numbers…the point is…you might skip the rest of your daily ablutions someday…but perhaps never miss using the toothpaste early in the morning. A nice warm bath, with rose water and all…minus brushing your teeth…can you just imagine it happening to you! Apart from the fatfatiya laugh, you would keep people at an arms length. God have mercy if your partner has an urge to have French Food in a colossal restaurant…you will have to make a lot of excuses ;)

Yes, I know…you have got what I had to say…I have hit the nail right on the head…toothpastes are important…more than airbuses…there are many kinds…its big business…blah blah! Keep using them, have shiny white teeth…lots of French food…and say out loud…NO CAVITIES!

:X~ NotManish

mobile manners!

2007-07-19T17:34:00.000+05:30

Remember the first phone in your house? It was a black, ugly looking thing with a circular dial which went "crrrrng crrrrrng" when dialling a number. And your mother kept it covered so that it did not blot the decor of the room. You would also remember the trunk dialling sessions the family had in the evening when everyone in the colony (except those on holidays) came to knew that "Mr. Sharma" is calling someone! We have moved from that Stone Age to the telecom age where your handset says "this is what computers have become" but have we moved from the way we talk? We still try hard for that personal touch where our voices would directly reach the listener! Perhaps it’s high time for a lesson or two on phone etiquettes which are never taught in school.

1. Keep the ringing volume low - You might be having the latest mp3 on your phone and your phone might produce the best bass and treble, but not all might be willing to "jhoom barabar jhoom" along with you. In office and crowded places it is advisable to let the vibrator remind you of an incoming call, and in theatres and meetings its better you keep the phone switched off! You would not like it for yourself, the person sitting next to you describe the whole movie while you are watching it.

2. Keeping your volume low - Current technology guarantee that your voice reaches the other end untarnished, even when you whisper. Why do you need to make the world know that you are on a call? Do not shout when in conversation. Speak softly and say "Hello" to really mean it.

3. Be safe than sorry - You are putting yourself and the others in grave danger when you talk while driving. Use handsfree otherwise you might be rendered "handsfree" on one of the days. Even with handsfree, have short and sweet talk, otherwise pull over and talk as much as you might want to. In petrol bunks, please avoid using cell phones or you might end up "enlightened". For people travelling in flights, as soon as the plane touches down does not mean you have to switch on the phone. Apart from being good looking, the airhostess is also intelligent when she says that it is for your own safety that you switch on the phone only when the doors open.

4. Keep a distance - Personal space is very dear with the kind of population we have. Respect it before it is extinct. Excuse yourself and move away from the group when you are on a call. Again, keep your volume low so that you do not disturb anyone.

5. Public and Private - No one is interested how you fight with your wife or how you please your girlfreind. People are also not interested in your boss at work or your child's falling grades. Do not discuss your private life in public. Period.

6. Students - Yes, phone is cool and if you have it, you flaunt it...after all dikhane wali cheez hai. But the decorum in college/school says that you should not carry, or if carrying, keep it in switched off mode. The teacher's lecture is more important for your future than the santa-banta jokes or the latest mms you have received.

7. Camera phone users - You would not want people to take your snap when you are mushy with your girlfriend. Same applies to you. It’s rude and offending if you click strangers without consent, even if your conscience is clear. The animals in the zoo do not dream of walking on the red carpet and do not love paparazzi around. Please do not use flash when clicking their pictures, they would appreciate even if they can't speak.

Next time your phone does a hips don't lie in full blast in public, and you, like Vijay Raaz say "mera phone baja hai"...remember what you have read and act a little civilized from next time.

:X~ NOTmanish

Greatness and Trees

2007-06-15T14:42:00.000+05:30

In the times when Global Warming (with capital G and W) is the most discussed phenomena in the G8 summit, when back home in India the north and the south are sweltering under severe heat wave, when Kovalam, Marina and alike are losing 1/10th of a centimeter of sunny beaches every year...planting trees and reducing the effects of global warming would definitely be greatness. But greatness and trees are linked to each other more than mere eyes can see.

Newton, sometimes in the 17th century sat under an apple tree when one apple fell on his head. The world expected him to say "main kahan hu" but he said "gravity". Was it just the apple falling on his head and triggering a chain of thoughts, or the tree being located in Cambridge...no one knows, but it led to the discovery of gravity and saved the human race from scratching themselves bald thinking why we don’t float. Newton went on to become a great man with numerous theories under his name...by simply sitting under an apple tree!

Long time before Newton sat under the apple tree, Adam and Eve sat under this tree of knowledge and ate the forbidden fruit. God had asked them not to, but they did. Whether they did right or wrong is debatable, but again...they became great because of the tree!

Apple tree is not the only one which, by its virtue of bearing fruits that keep doctors away, leads to human greatness. Gautam Buddha, was born under a Sakya tree in Lumbini forest, and attained enlightment under a pipal tree 35 years later. In these 35 years, I presume, he kept himself away from trees (fruits, vegetables, grain etc). He led a very austere life till the day when a girl offered him a bowl of rice and he accepted. In that moment, he realized that physical austerities were not the means to achieve liberation. From then on, he encouraged people to follow a path of balance rather than extremism. He called this The Middle Path. Trees and greatness go hand in hand.

One of the most read columns in TOI is The Speaking Tree. Here people speak their heart out, disguised as trees. Many ordinary people, and some not so ordinary, have had their chance to become The Speaking Tree and achieve greatness.

There are many more examples that make us connect trees and being great. In fact...for every successful man, there is tree behind it. Human virtue of denying a fact before pondering over it long enough...saying "no I don't believe it" as soon as something unbelievable is presented before him...is a cause of that frown on your face. You would say "why doesn't the lazy shepherd who sits whole day under some tree or another achieve greatness?" I can explain - he either covers himself with an umbrella or a dhoti!

:X~ NotManish

Bangalore is cool because...

2007-05-22T16:56:00.000+05:30

Bangalore is located in the heart of the Mysore Plateau at an elevation of 920m from mean sea level. Every 1000 metres that you go vertically, the temperature goes down by 4 degrees.

No major rivers flow through the city. The nearest one is Arkavathi 60 kms away. But a perennial sewage system…covering 215 kms inand around the city…vividly flowing in all its glory and open to everyone and everything…helps keep the city cool and aromatic. Few water bodies (I don’t dare call them lakes) make the city even cooler. Minimum metabolism is guaranteed in such places as well as the air where sustainence of life is impossibility.

Another phenomenon that can be associated with the cool climate of Bangalore is the ever burgeoning traffic and the recurrent jams in the city. People, over the years, have learnt to take everything in their stride and keep a cool head. Every multicellular organism with a soul is a picture of patience exemplified. No wonder Dravid keeps hitting the ball to the same fielder hoping that it may pass through him one day and Kumble, for 15 long years, has waited for his ball to turn. Cool headed people, cool city.

One very interesting process (again related to Bangalore traffic) that leads to substantial cooling is the Joule-Thomson effect. At traffic signals or at BMTC bus stops, where the major portion of the road is blocked…high density traffic passes through this narrow path at constant enthalpy. Then they expand randomly before realising that they have to travel on a straight road. This leads to a cooler Bangalore.

Bangalore Airport…the fourth busiest in the country…is being operated from a place no larger than Vijay Mallya’s bathroom. Solitary runway caters for landing, taking off, taxiing and airforce testing. The ATC has a torrid time explaining to the pilots that its compulsary to complete atleast four full circles of the city, clockwise and anti-clockwise, before they would be allowed to land. How this model has been successfully running is really cool to imagine!

Karnataka Yuva Vedike members and some other extremist groups are very frigid towards the use of Hindia and English language in Bangalore. All billboards, bus routes, hoardings, displays on shops should be prominently in Kannada. Dire consequences are promised otherwise. Last heard, McDonalds had decided to rename itself as McDonald Sagar and KFC was thinking on the lines of Kolar fried chicken. Cold attitude of locals for Hindi speaking people brings the temperature down further.

You cannot watch a movie on weekends unless you plan two weekends before! Cool! Bangalore is going to have a Metro of its own, elavated flyover from Silk Board to Electronics city and one flyover at Udupi Garden! Cool! Mount Carmel College to become coed! That’s definitely cool! Bangalore to be called Bengaluru...that’s a freakin funny name! Cool! Government is planning to get a team from Ahmedabad to catch stray dogs – wow Cool! Bangalore comprises of 40% of India’s Software exports. That’s 10 billion dollars! It can’t get any cooler!

:X~ NotManish

The Inheritence of Loss

2007-04-18T15:02:00.000+05:30

The book by Kiran Desai got this year’s Booker Prize. OOPS! No, the ‘oops!’ has nothing to do with an Indian author winning the Booker, or The inheritence of Loss winning it (I have not even read it)…oops has more to do with object oriented programming languages and systems. Being a programmer, I had this momentary good feeling around me that some programming book had won the Booker!

People NOT from the clerical background that we programmers are, would tend to agree less to my obscure but relevant thoughts. But if I, perhaps, explain them the nuances of OOPS programming, they would also believe that my thoughts are not really unjust.

Object oriented technology comprise of objects (well that was simple!). Something that we see in the real world, objects have state and behaviour. State is what they are and behaviour is what they can do. If we take the bicycle as an example of an object, the state can be the make of bicycle, current speed, gear etc. Behavior would be to change the speed or gear. Now we have so many different kinds of bicycles. If we take the common properties of all bicycles and make a blueprint, which would be the CLASS of bicycles. The object would be an instance of the class…derived from the blueprint plus something more if required. For e.g. the CLASS bicycle will have seat, two wheels, pedal etc. now Bike1 would be the object derived from the class and if we want to put a gear, or brakes…we can have it in the new object.

Why do we need such a complex system then? Well, there are a number of reasons…like encapsulation, polymorphism etc…and Inheritence (that’s where we started from). Object Oriented Programming allows classes to inherit commonly used states and behaviours from other classes. And why does it do so? So that we can save ourselves from writing the same thing over and over again! All this for the divine STATE called Laziness…

Ding dong! Still not there? All right, people are used to spoon feeding eh! (That’s a behaviour of the class LAZY). The Inheritence of Loss made me think of the class LOSS and the objects that could probably inherit it – defeat, going, passing, exit, casualty…whatever. But the reviews suggested that it was not even remotely related to OOPS, any programmer, prgramming or even computer. The book is all about a retired judge, Popatlal Patel and his grand daughter Sai, who live in Kalimpong and about Nepali insurgents and one illegal immigrant in New York.

All dreams shattered, I just have the hope left that some day ‘Thinking in Java’ or ‘Inside VB.NET’ would win the Booker for Fiction. Fiction they are, OOPS!

:X~ NotManish

Power Cuts!

2007-04-09T16:23:00.000+05:30

VPN connection terminated, connection to host aborted, mail server unavailable, wierless connection not available and one that pops in my head 'Oh Shit!' - I get atleast five popups when there is a power cut. Power Cuts! Yes it does...it cuts me from the rest of the world in a jiffy. And the frequency with which the process occurs these days exceeds the number of times I visit my mailbox. It’s a fresh experience for Bangalore but so are many other things! Bangalore had never seen 40 degrees, Bangalore had never seen traffic jam on ring road, and Bangalore had never seen prices of apartments falling! There is always a first time.

Our apartment is supposed to be 24 hours power backed up...we have a generator which looks braggier than a Maruti 800. It is suposed to do many things, which includes keeping me connected...but currently it does nothing more than reminding us of its physical presence and providing a podium where our watchman can display his err!...undergarments.

I have had more number of candle lit dinners with Rajnish and Sanket than even my thoughts could conjure. I am satiated and sometimes englutted but there is no end. The process of candle lit dinner is complimented earlier by candle lit cooking and mobile lit cutting vegetables. Thankfully we have never found any of our fingers missing when we sit for dinner. Having candle lit bath (alone) is an adventure in its own. Apart from the groping in the dark for the sticky soap and the non-sticky water, I have to be extra careful that even a drop of water divided by ten does not tend to gather enough wings and fly in the direction of the solitary source of light. If that happens, I am left to grope more for something soft and fluffy to cover myself and something hard and metallic that holds the door in position. If I am not able to find either or both, neighbours enjoy hard metal better than iron maidens'.

Days are still better than those, when I did not have UPS for my desktop in hostel. My idiosyncrasy made me believe that 20 mins of power backup would not make much of a difference in my life. It did not perhaps - my comp would not live to show me all the popups that it could have in case of a power failure...but the 'Oh Shit' one popped in my head then also! The 'Oh Shit' would become gaudier and soggier in Chennai Summers. Bangalore still makes me go small 'oh shit' experience. I am still cut off from the rest of the world!

Other day, when there was another powercut...after the usual popups and dingy feelings, I took my chair and sat in the verandah. It was pitch dark and I could not see much, except that whenever a car passed, I could hear the running engine and the car following the circle of light infront. Not unusual, cars always follow the light infront and dogs follow those cars. But there were no dogs then, and I could think beyond the Bangalore Mahanagar Palike trying to curb the dog menace in Bangalore. I don't know what I thought, but I could see my life to be more than the 14" screen and the QWERTY keyboard. I talked to a few people around me...I gathered some thoughts that had been lying scattered for sometime...I felt more connected!

:X~ Not Manish

Underdogs

2007-03-21T19:17:00.000+05:30

Everyone loves underdogs. Everyone wants the underdogs to fight that extra bit to make the impossible possible and win. I was no exception that day when India played Bangladesh. I wanted India to win! But it is not always that underdogs win. That too against the mighty tigers, who have humiliated even the Australians once.

Indians have been crying hoarse that they have been put in the group where there were three test playing nations while others had two. Gross injustice for a team that has three stalwarts who have covered 30000 * 22 yards of distance between them. And one Kannadiga who has fooled the world long enough with his pace bowling which he calls spin. They say "Either give us level playing field or call us underdogs". Very well, we will call you underdogs.

Who is an underdog? Wiki says that underdog is a group or person in competition who is popularly expected to lose. Hmm...Catfight of groups, nations or individuals and we gave underdogs and top dogs fighting. Why 'underdog' then, I wonder! Same reason perhaps that Larry Page of Google cites when asked why Googlers can bring dogs to the campus and not cats - "Google is a dog company". It’s a dogs world after all.

In United States sports, Cinderella refers to team which advances in the tournament further than expected. Cinderellas, therefore are underdogs/underbitches who have a fairy-tale run as long as they can run. But sooner or later the clock strikes 12 for them and the glass slippers they are wearing turn into life size mirrors where they can see themselves dwarfed by some arrogant Aussie! And these dwarfed Little Masters then go to the media saying that the Aussies suck and we are Cinderellas and we are beautiful.

Why teams or individuals like to be called underdogs? Pure sympathy. Last time they went as favorites and some cricketers were rendered homeless. Being underdogs, at least they have their kennels saved. And being underdogs they can have hope generated out of this email floating on the internet -

Year 1981

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes

4. Pope Died (was shot at)

5. A year later (1982) Italy won the FIFA World Cup

6. 2 years later India won the cricket World Cup!!!

Year 2005

1. Prince Charles got married

2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe

3. Australia lost the Ashes

4. Pope Died

5. A year later (2006) Italy won the Fifa World Cup

6. 2 years later will India win the world Cup???

So every time India has to win the world cup, we have to get Prince Charles married and get Pope killed.

:X~ NotManish

The Printer

2007-02-13T13:24:00.000+05:30

Now, what's wrong with the printer! Nothing much...just that when I signed in with my credentials here at HQ, some wacky piece of junk searched for all the network printers available on the floor, installed them and they were ready for use!!! Good enough. "Meeting in 5 mins", pops the IM. I had to take some printouts before I dashed off. Seven printers to chose from, in seven different locations...and I did not have a map of the floor. The wacky piece of junk could have given me detailed driving directions to the different printers. WAIT! It would have used one of the seven! And they do not have GPS for this! It was easy in the end...print seven files with seven different pages and GO HUNT!

Back home, things are much simpler. We have printers on alternate floors and there are no wacky softwares. The drivers are installed manually, and the printouts are delivered right at your desk by the printer room guy. Simple? Not really...I fire a print for 5th floor printer sitting on 4th floor and wait all day for the printout to be delivered. I learn later that 5th floor caters 5th and 6th floor, for 4th floor I have to use the 3rd floor printer. Still simple? Ok, consider this...you have made a in-house expense sheet with 3 names (you and your flat mates), have three columns and multiple rows...and you print 30 copies of it...the printer guy comes with your printouts and a weird look on his face which says "Dude! whats that for?" Forget printing a bestseller or some nice story you received as a forward!

Laserjet, inkjet, dot matrix...they have variety there. Some come with very sophisticated nomenclature...laserjet 9600N. How on earth did they arrive at the figure of 9600 and was N doing sitting there? Software nomenclature is much simpler ABC 9.2.0.3...everything is in place, you can even predict the date to the exact minute it was last compiled!

Ever tried printing a doc in a dot matrix printer? If the ribbon is straight and the paper size is just right, you will have to sit under NEOn lights till you get MORPHEd into something to get a printout. Simply put, you are in the matrix. And the laserjets...dude, you will never figure out from where the paper goes in and where it comes out from!You fill tray 2 with paper and expect it to print, it would say "tray 3 empty, please press some button (which you will never find) to use alternate tray". And now they have ALL-IN-ONE things...print, fax, scan, copy...and they have a handset attached to it...to call customer care if you cannot figure things out yourself. An ipod dock and a dvd player with burning capabilities would be the next thing that I would like in a printer...a juke box, a FM player, some mechanism to connect to the internet, read my mails and print the important ones...these things would be real cool!!!

Hey, its not that I hate printers...I like the color ones, especially when they are free and I have lots of colored photographs. Will spend some time with the new printer at office. Meanwhile you can print this piece and paste it on your wall. Rather you can wait, the printer will do it by itself by connecting to the internet and blah blah...this is an important mail!!!

Like the flowing river

2007-01-14T02:16:00.000+05:30

I would not take any credits from Paulo Coelho for writing this. This is an exerpt from his book which I found worth sharing.

A boy was watching his grandmother write a letter. At one point he asked: ‘Are you writing a story about what we’ve done? Is it a story about me?’

His grandmother stopped writing her letter and said to her grandson: ‘I am writing about you, actually, but more important than the words is the pencil I’m using. I hope you will be like this pencil when you grow up.’

Intrigued, the boy looked at the pencil. It didn’t seem very special.
‘But it’s just like any other pencil I’ve ever seen!’

‘That depends on how you look at things. It has five qualities which, if you manage to hang on them, will make you a person who is always at peace with the world.’

‘First quality: you are capable of great things, but you must never forget that there is a hand guiding your steps. We call that hand God, and He always guides us according to His will.’

‘Second quality: now and then, I have to stop writing and use a sharpner. That makes the pencil suffer a little, but afterwards, he’s much sharper. So you, too, must learn to bear certain pains and sorrows, because they will make you a better person.

‘Third quality: the pencil always allows us to use an eraser to rub out any mistakes. This means that correcting something we did is not necessarily a bad thing; it helps to keep us on the road to justice.’

‘Fourth quality: what really matters in a pencil is not its wooden exterior, but the graphite inside. So always pay attention to what is happening inside you.’

‘Finally, the pencil’s fifth quality: it always leaves a mark. in just the same way, you should know that everything you do in life will leave a mark, so try to be conscious of that in your every action’

source: Like the flowing river - Paulo Coelho

:X~ Not Manish

Hell is full...I am back

2006-11-21T17:48:00.000+05:30

"To hell with you", with a ravalgaon pan pasand effect would unscrupulously mean that I can go to hell with you. It can be the biggest compliment a guy can give his gal (its also suggestive that hell's better!). Think twice pal, it would turn out to be another of your empty hollow promises bawled out in the wilderness of Savannah! Hell's full...yes, it is full!

Nope, RAC's over, waiting list is over and waiting list for waiting list is over! Absolutely no chance getting there. There is no tatkal dude! All that online booking shows is a REGRET window and try again later message. Unprecedented rush have seen the authorities there to get strict, subsequently there is no person outside the gate doing chalees ka sattar. The devils are in demand. The dudes (read deities) wait as their place goes unreserved. Whats there in the Inferno that there is a mad rush to the place?

Eden is vivid and wonderful, the dudes have cashed on its USP for centuries to the power of 10. Almost all religions talk of heaven as the ultimate place to be, where booze flows outright, Kingfisher girls are subaltern, music is euphonic and food better than Tarla Dalal's. But the new cult abhors heaven and is heading for hell! Has the cost cutting affected eden and they have started serving spirits from sula vineyards, Nashik or grub from Manoher Caterers ( unpalatable, unappetizing, offensive to the core!). Or have they started playing nasal king Himesh's chart busters there?

The two days that I spent at the gates of inferno in a makeshift tent, trying to squeeze through at the slightest opportunity, I could learn that there is only a single reason behind masses thronging to the place - like minded people. Myriads of religions and its followers might be there down below, but a strange cult has developed over time, where people practice the sacramental manduction of the unholy, where debauchery and knavery is common. People have become frenzied followers of this cult and mass conversions happen every moment. Their percentage is huge, the feelings are common but hell is small. I was there as a cultist, a follower. But Hell's full and I am back...

:X~ NotManish

A parameterized knowledge-based display derived from a conceptual digital display

2006-10-29T01:25:00.000+05:30

Where do I get topics from when I write? From a myriad of places I would perhaps answer. There is no dearth of topics when you look around. When Jug Suraiya can write about the 'Garam Hawa' in Delhi, 'Ulta Pulta India' and grunting phenomena (commonly associated with pigs) of the male species, so can I write about dandruff, zebra, nailbiting and all. I can write about pigs, male chauvinist pigs, and pigs that do not grunt. He has Bunny and a dog as companions, I am single. Yes, thats the status that I put when I fill application forms for credit cards, visa, telephone, loan etc. Immaterial, my technically single status is best used to fill data columns...it does not fetch a single seeti or a raised eyebrow...

Jug Suraiya is famous, his column comes in TOI every Sunday embellished by his black and white picture alongside. One of the most read columns in the Indian print industry, his columns are a saving grace to the otherwise tabloid like TOI. A large part of the country waits for the Sunday Times, and a good percentage of it wishes he was single. My columns are infrequent on Yahoo 360/Blogspot, readers are more infrequent and when I put a COLOR photograph alongside, someone says 'black and white'. My single status goes largely UNNOTICED.

But like him, and unlike others, I do not need to look out for scope to write. There is a story in everything, be it the rug kept beneath my bed or the fleece blanket that I am draped with currently. There is a story in the Miconazole cream on the side table and the calendar hidden by the curtains. There is a story about the All Out dispenser with Good Night refill in it. Before I go further, people, aedes mosquitoes cause dengue, dengue is bad, one of the symptoms is itching and miconazole cream is not effective in that kind of itching. It is helpful in other kind of...err...itching. Best bet for prevention of dengue would be All Out dispenser with Good Night refill in it. It works best I know, coz till now I have been spared.

Coming back to the topic of topics, topics can be generated just in time (JIT). The most appealing line of your random thoughts can just be very good substitute for the topic. People from purdue university (having nothing better to do) have an algorithm to generate a random topic just in case (JIC) you do not have any appealing line in your essay. I have used their website to have a NICE topic for this peice of literature, I could not find any 'most appealing' line. Visit http://www.cs.purdue.edu/homes/dec/essay.topic.generator.html for more information on random topic generator. Only problem here would be that your status, even if it shows single, will go UNNOTICED.

Probably you would be thinking now how my topic is related to this peice of writing. I will tell you. Parameterized would be to express in terms of parameters or factors that defines a system. Conceptual digital display would be formative and abstract thoughts that you might be having when you have a topic and nothing else and then you gradually start building on it. And the knowledge-based display is what you are witnessing currently. Can't you see how beautifully I have woven the topic and WHATEVER that follows the topic!!! The system defining parameter can now be used to generate more WHATEVERs after the conceptual digital display. Hey, where are you all running??? I am still SINGLE!!!

...

:X~ NotManish

Lagey raho

2006-10-03T23:02:00.000+05:30

Ya ya long time...when was the last one?...probably I can escape by saying "a week back"...thank God I don't put dates...Cut the crap, enough is enough dude.

Look I am not at fault. The Iqara people (I will explain) are a lousy lot. My internet connection had taken a long sabbatical...courtesy Iqara. People who do not know what Iqara is - Iqara is my internet service provider, and also Rajnish's. YES, they exist...they have a website...they have cables all over and 2 running in my house as well...they promise 512kbps...deliver 51kbps...where is the 2 gone? “You have 2 cables running in your house, right!” they say. Iqara is one of the lesser known ISP's and they are the sole service providers in our area. In one month I have faced 10 days of downtime...not bad eh! That’s a genuine excuse...please...I will be regular...see I have a comp at home now!

When we contacted Airtel for internet at home, “Hello!!!” they replied with a smirk on their face, “you will have to wait for time comparable to getting a complete hearing of your case in any of the high courts in India. Probably you can apply for your son, when he grows up you can gift him a connection.” Your world of communication just got simpler – read the board above. I felt like believing them. No internet, no orkutting, more time for family and friends!

Next stop was Tata Indicom. They were better; they chose not to reply to any of our service requests, although they created as many service request numbers as you wished. No wonder Oracle is doing big business with its databases!

BSNL – “Sir we are willing to provide you with internet but we are short of modems. The tender for buying modems will be passed soon…then we will procure modems…then process your request.” My son is going to be damn lucky…2 internet connections for him!!!

Iqara was God sent. Single day processing, installation charges waived off, 512kbps (with 2 silent) for a paltry 650 bucks. Something in my head said “Do we get free lunches?” Yes, we do…that’s what Iqara made me believe. First week the lunch was served cold, still palatable. Second week it was cold, non-palatable but it was there. Third week and there was no lunch!!! The black box – the modem refused to receive any packets. I told him “dood, we are in a flood hit area, whatever packets Iqara is distributing, catch hold of it.” But the “swabhimaan” thing was the flavor of the season for my modem. I had to change it. Another one came and received packets very well for some days. Then one morning I found him sitting idle. “What happened?” I asked him. “Today is DRY DAY”, he retorted. I said to myself “Lagey raho modembhai”…

:X~ NotManish

I have a stoty to complete...

2006-08-25T17:56:00.000+05:30

While checking for some new releases in print at Landmark a few days back, I saw Vikram Seth's 'Suitable Boy' under Indian Authors section. 6" X 12" X 6" (all figures in inches), it weighed a few pounds. I flipped through the pages...times new roman, font size 8, single line spacing...I was stupefied at the author's verbosity. No, I am not being sarcastic when I say the author was verbose, I am just being literal. Holding a coffee mug in one hand and 'Suitable Boy' in other, I mulled over the fact that my verboseness has been limited to a few pages at the max whenever I have tried to write...and there are some people who can write like the never ending soaps on Star Plus!!! Can I ever be a famous writer? Or even a writer? I remembered that I had a story to complete...

Perhaps the weight of the book was too much, or was it that my heart was heavy...I felt tired. I dropped the book from where I had picked and moved to the children's section. Enid Blyton's...font size 14, double spaced lines and small cute books...I felt at home. I picked up 'Noddy goes to Toyland' and sat in one corner sipping my coffee reading the book. I smiled and wished a little girl as she created havoc in the section. She smirked when she saw Noddy Series in my hand. I could hear her say 'Suitable Boy' under her breath. As I continued reading, the urge and desire to become a writer throbbed with an added punch in one corner of my heart. My story was still incomplete...

This happened a few days ago and some days before that I had started writing a story. People unaware of it may visit my blogs to see 'To be continued...' printed ghastly across the page. When I started with the story, I had some specific idea in mind and as the words poured, I could see the whole framework built clearly. The plots, the subplots, the characters...everything seemed to be in place. I slept well that day; it would be my first creation which would technically be more than an article. But I have modified my internal system in such a way that everything is RAM and nothing is Hard Disk. The night's sleep worked as a reboot and in the absence of any backup, all was lost except the excerpt that sits mockingly in my blog. The incomplete story...I feel guilty.

When I read books (sometimes), it never occurs that the author has taken a break and had a KitKat anytime...everything seems uninterrupted, as if the author has never left the chair he sat on till the last word. How are they able to maintain the continuity between different sessions of writing? Now, I am writing this paragraph after a break of one day, and I find the other three completely different from this one!!! Above I was a li'l humourous, and the style of writing was narrative...now it seems that I am pissed of with life as it comes down in black and white!!! I do not have reasons to be! Yesterday I made amazing matar-soyabean ki sabzi, dreamt well, today I got a new project to work on (that means they are not going to chuck me out for some more time...I feared that today morning)...I am in as good a mood today as I was yesterday. Except that I am wearing different set of clothes, that my epidermal layer is a bit changed and that I have a fresh coat of dust over me...I am same, so why does my writing differ???

When I was writing my incomplete story, I could feel I could write pages, but now, I am not able to move a pace!!! Something is different! The day I posted the incomplete story, Sourav Pani called up to say that I am diversing from the style of writing that I am known for. He further added that my articles lately have been more emotional than humourous (with a touch of satire). I said "I am growing up dude!" He laughed. The laugh was humourous (with a touch of satire). I told him I am writing horror this time. He laughed again. He said "How many readers do you have?" Perhaps he was right...but that is not the point. The point is that why can't I continue from where I stopped last time! Why is it so difficult for me? The flow, the continuity...why does it elude me on either side of timeout? Why am I not verbose? The answer is still elusive and I am searching desperately for it. I have a story to complete...

:X~ NotManish

Jayadeva Flyover

2006-08-07T18:12:00.000+05:30

There were two of them when I came to Bangalore in the 2004 winters...uncouth, vulgar, unrefined. They stood disillusioned, disheveled and unfinished. My whimsical fantasies prodded me to find out more. The locals told me that they had been here for more than a year...nonchalantly...as they never existed. Their existance was causing a lot of worries to the people, the government and the owners but all ignored them blatantly while they were there...I could see them rising magnificently from the dirt...and then...and then drop abruptly.I could see them, I could not ignore the two incomplete flyovers at Jayadeva Institute and the Domlur Junction.

The only people who were happy I guess would be the airlines people and autowallas. Autowallas for the obvious reason that they could squeeze more distance out of the same displacement. Airlines people because they were minting money bigtime due to the flyover construction. Call them for tickets to any domestic location and they would say that they had tickets available on all evening flights. Daily about 10% of the people missed their flights if it was scheduled between 5 - 10 pm. One airlines had a business module on their website where you could get waitlisted tickets on flights originating from Bangalore, but only between 5-10 pm. People if travelling (yes, it was called travel) to the airport would pack extra food, cells to run their discman and nappies if they were with small children...Careful planning was required if headed towards airport otherwise you could end up mumbling 'Goose Fau Brau' a hundred times...IF YOU COULD NOT HANDLE THE TRUTH. I did it once when I saw the same traffic light change red and green four times before I could see the next one change colors.

Unfinished saga of the flyovers has a lot of history involved. All is hearsay that the Uttar Pradesh State Bridge Corporation (UPSBC) left it unfinished complaining that they did not get money promised. The government said that they wanted more money than they had promised they would do it for. The bargaining went on for two long years leaving the people and their lives in disarray. How things were finally settled I have no idea but one day I saw one earthmover and nine labourors digging for gold and glory. The tenth one had gone for a long sabbatical not being sure when the work would begin again.

Finally the one at Domlur Junction was opened to general public on 8th of last month by the H'ble Chief Minister HD Kumaraswamy (who has recently bought a property worth 150 crores, just being in power for 200 days). The auto wallas and the airlines people were not happy, they staged a dharna to demolish the flyover. I would not have supported their cause otherwise but that day I also sat there, Kingfisher girls were part of the dharna. It still stands and I do not see it getting demolished in near future.

The other flyover, at the Jayadeva Cardiology Institute was thrown open to public last monday by the same Chief Minister...AND I WANT IT DEMOLISHED!!! No, there are no Kingfisher girls, and I don't care if there were any!!! Earlier, going to office took me 24 minutes flat for 7 kms, now the same journey takes me 45 minutes, 40 when I am lucky. And I want to unlearn all the high school physics - Jams cannot be created, Jams cannot be destroyed...it can only be shifted from one place to another. Bullshit!!! Build a flyover and jams can be shifted and made to gain momentum sucking up energy from the universe.

No, I am not as pained as I sound...I murmur 'Goose Fau Brau' before sleeping everyday. And I am not going to use the Jayadeva flyover for long. I am changing my flat so that I can use the Domlur junction flyover from next Monday. Atleast there I can recaliberate the minimum-time-taken-to-travel-to-office parameter fresh. I will be happy until they decide to build another flyover in my path. My anger management process will continue though, I will be staying with Rajnish.

These two flyovers took 3 years to complete, now the government has decided to have Metro for Bangalore. Government says '3 years and we shall have Metro running'. I say 'what are you building, a flyover!!!' Word of advice for people who are planning to migrate to Bangalore in near future...come to this city if you have a strong heart and magnanimous amount of patience.

Signing off from the crest of Jayadeva flyover and a trough of emotions!

:X~ NotManish

PS:
http://bangalore.metblogs.com/archives/2006/07/the_end_in_sight.phtml
http://www.thehindu.com/2006/07/03/stories/2006070320540300.htm
http://gabbarsingh.blogspot.com/2006/03/this-is-jayadeva-flyover-march-2006.html
http://deponti.livejournal.com/96113.html
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1086584.cms

Fairy Tale

2006-07-18T16:37:00.000+05:30

It was going to be a long night, he knew as he had checked his watch thirce during the last three minutes. Contempleting if this was a record of some kind, he fetched for the house keys in his bag. As the old elevator creaked to a halt with a cracked otherwise mellifluous voice announcing ‘Seventh Floor’, he came out with his hands buried deep into the only compartment of his bag. . His bag, a warehouse, a wasteyard, a junkpile and a dumpsite contained everything incomprehensible. ‘Yesterday’s sandwiches! How come they are still there,” he thought as he groped for his keys. Another try and he found his mouth organ he had been searching for a long time. Third attempt and he came out with keys. “Hey my duplicate bike keys, I have been searching them for a long time!” he said aloud. He was already feeling lucky when he tried once more for his house keys. This time he came out with his keys attached to a string of wooden beads. Blue, red and yellow, three beads for three years. “God! I still miss her”, he felt a lump in his throat.

He entered his house and fiddled with the switches while he helped himself out of his shoes. “Thank God! There is no power”, he was saved from searching for the TV remote. He dragged hismself down the hallway into his room also dragging the heap of dirt from his shoes into his otherwise neat room. His room, the only room apart from two other rooms, was a peculiar one. When one entered through the door, one could see another door opening into the big terrace with. The walls were light pink with wooden wardrobe against one wall. The other two walls with doors were not of equal length for the naked eye. He had measured the two walls twice using a tape before buying the flat…the readings were same both times for both the walls…but he knew that the walls were not of equal length. The room was peculiar when one entered through the door. The room did not have any windows.

The thought of cooking in the dark made him eat the non-palatable sandwiches in his bag. He had managed to find a small candle, reminiscent of his 32nd birthday he had celebrated last month. Sitting in the candle light, he munched on his sandwich. It reminded him of the dinner they had four years ago on New Years Eve at Hilton. Ofcourse it was free, sponsored by the office where he worked, otherwise he would never go to such an expensive place. Cheapo - that’s how she called him when he was restrained in spending. But that day he had not been frugal, he had got her a Christian Dior watch studded with eighteen diamonds and carved exquisitely in gold. It had been eighteen months they had been married. And she had given him a book…hand written…covered in dark maroon leather having their names embossed on the front in gold. He took out the book from his bag and flipped to the last page. In the last three years, he had read the book atleast three hundred times every year. He knew every word of it by heart. “Cheapo, promise me you will take care of yourself when I am gone”, were the last lines she had written. He could see himself scribbling ‘I promise’ three years ago…as the candle flickered once and went out.

Shameful exit for graceful Zidane as Italy lift the World Cup

2006-07-10T15:20:00.000+05:30

The abated breaths erupted into joy as Fabio Grosso rifled a left foot strike into the right corner of the net. Italy had won the Fifa World Cup on penalties erasing the bitter memories of a penalty shoot-out loss to Brazil in 1994. After a gap of 24 years, there would be celebrations in Rome. Celebrations in Olympia Stadium had just begun. But it was no celebrations for Les Blues and Zinedine Zidane.

12 years, 108 caps, 31 goals...world cup title, euro cup title, another sensational show in this world cup, a goal in the World Cup Finals and his final match...a perfect career and a perfect exit a player can dream of...but Zidane chose the road less travelled. Having played majestically throughout, Zidane blew his cool and unleashed a vicious headbutt into the chest of Marco Materazzi that sent the Italy defender crashing to the turf. A glorious career came to a very shameful end as a fuming Zidane went down the tunnel amidst the glare of thousand of flash bulbs after he was shown the red card for his offence.

Earlier, a seventh minute spot kick had put France on the top but Materazzi with a powerful header had cancelled out France's advantage. Thierry Henry and Frank Ribery were constantly troubling the Italian defence but the dimunitive Italian captain put on a superlative show of defence. Italy also had their share of attacks with the ball hitting the woodwork once and a Toni goal disallowed. Buffon had to make several superlative saves to keep the Azzuri in the competition. Extra-time saw France go closest to breaking the deadlock when Zidane saw his glancing header palmed over the bar by Buffon.

Both the goalkeepers did not have to make a single save as Italy and France picked out the back of the net with precision and finesse except for the Euro2000 golden boy David Trezeguet. Trezeguet's penalty crashed against the crossbar and refused to cross the line as Buffon and Italy celebrated. Grosso goal against Germany and Grosso goal against France drove Italy to the title after 24 years. ITALY HAS WON THE WORLD CUP 2006

:X~ NotManish

Stars

2006-06-14T16:01:00.000+05:30

Raindrops fall silently on the moss-coated sidewalk along the lawn as I look out of the window. I can feel the faint illusion of the spectrum from the streetlight filtering through the waterdroplets on the glass pane. The cold glass against my nose is a contrast to the raging fire inside.

"I wish so many things could be different in my life", I whisper to myself almost like a silent prayer.

It had been thirty long years and I am living with my struggles. As a small girl, I wished everything wonderful and perfect around me. And I dreamt years after years for the wish to come true. It has been a long arduous journey and I have seen all, which I never wished, but I have not seen something, which I have always wished for. A fleeting glance at my past and it leaves me with so much pain and agony. "I wish so many things could be different in my life", I whisper to myself almost like a silent prayer.

A shooting star speeds across the sky at that moment, barely visible in the clouds. I open my mouth but no sound escapes from my lips. I wonder at the sight of the star and its timely arrival. I can see a faint hint of smile in my blurred image against the window glass as if my prayers have been answered. Or is it sarcasm on my silliness! Perhaps I can stir my imagination for the rest of the night.

I gather my stole and walk out of my front door. Living alone in the house, I never have to bother about the hours. Cold air meets the uncovered parts of me as I walk out into the open streets. I breathe the monsoon, and the smell of the earth as I hold out my hands in the air and look up to the skies. The clouds have dispersed and the stars shine brightly in the absence of the moon. A smile blooms across my lips.

I wander through the streets and linger by the shops as they are closing down. I see a couple walking down the street, saving themselves from the puddles and humming a song together. I see a man enjoying his food after perhaps a day of hard work. He smiles at me. I smile back. He is also watching the stars tonight. He is also blessed by the heavens at this moment as I am. And the wonderful feeling does not cost a penny.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I ask him. "Oh yes," he replies. "All you have to do is wish and look around. It is this simple and no one bothers. People are caught in the hypocrisy of this world."

"Look at the stars, ain't they perfect tonight", I say looking once again to the open skies as I gather myself and move ahead.

"The stars are perfect if we shine them ourselves," I can hear his trailing voice.

:X~ NotManish

With worldcup starting today, what do women want???

2006-06-12T11:18:00.000+05:30

This was published in TOI sports section today

For decades, women have languished on the sidelines as men settle on the sofa with sixpack beer cans during the month-long World Cup football championship. But now a small women’s group in England calling themselves Women for a Football-Free England (WFE) has unfurled the banner of protest. And the group’s initiative, a website called stoptheworldcup.co.uk, is being discussed on radio, written about in blogs and finding mention in The New York Times and The Independent.

The website says, “We, the Women for a Football-free England, rise against the World Cup tournament. Men steal precious broadcast time. Men ignore us, pay attention no more to our needs. Men are unable to communicate. Men grow ugly watching football. It has to be put to an end. We cannot be silent any longer,’’ says the website’s home page. “We were talking how this football event was coming up again with all the hype. So we thought we should be doing something in response,’’ says Natalie of stoptheworldcup.co.uk responding to an e-mail query from TOI.

Among the WFE demands posted on the website are: A) Stop the World Cup: abolish the tournament, now and forever. B) Each and every hour of televised football will have to be compensated with two hours of Sex and the City/ Friends/Desperate Housewives. Prime Time. C) Each goal scored by England will have to be compensated with one afternoon of shopping. At the man’s expense. D) Watching the games with your mates down local boozer will have to be followed by a breakfast served in bed the next morning. For which you will be clean, shaven and sober. E) All remote controls in the house are subject to WFE’s authority. F) In case of breach of one or several of these rules, we will leave you! G) WFE will use any means necessary to publicise its views: demonstrations, public stunts, petitions.... We don’t exclude any measure.

The protest idea originated in Holland where Kirsten Jensen, a 27-year-old secretary based in Rotterdam, started a similar Dutch language website after forming a group called VVN (Women for football-free Holland). True to their proclamations, a group of 30 women demonstrated in Hoenderloo, where the Dutch team was preparing for the tournament. Natalie says that the website is getting thousands of hits and they have received numerous requests from media companies. “It means we have achieved our goal of getting publicity for the opposing team,’’ she says.

AND WHAT DO WE SAY TO THEM!!! Cut the crap, hand me the remote, we will talk after the world cup :)

:X~ Notmanish

Man - Release 10.0.2.0 Beta

2006-06-12T11:15:00.000+05:30

Other day, by chance I tuned into Aakashwaani and heard this news. God is planning a new release of man soon. Whoa! I see the women anticipating something already...never content with their men...anyways, I mean God is planning a new release of human beings in general and he/she (still in doubt) has invited suggestions for the newer and better version of man. The last release was decade to the power decade ago I think...a very stable version which is still running strong...but a newer version is desired keeping in mind the Godzillas and Jadoos which might pose competition in future. Gods world is not Open Source, and the propriety source code will not be available to common people; but God has taken a step towards open source by inviting suggestions for the latest additions in the new release. There has been several patches available in the world, but the ramifications has been plenty because of this. Hence a whole new version of man. A lot has been desired from man since the last release and it comes out in imaginative form in movies, comics, stories, poetry etc. Half of the world I think would want man to wear a red underwear over his blue pants and jump from a tall building hollering 'Up Up and Away!' The other half would want to be like the dude in 007, with all the gizmos inbuilt. Some portions may want the man to be like the good old Ramji and Sitaji from our epics. But they were trial versions of God himself, it seems unlikely that those will be available as freeware. I made a list of the desired additions that I would want in the Next Gen man and I would be forwarding it to God very soon.

1. Rear View Mirror - A very modest suggestion but in my 'view' a great asset to have. The other day I was walking down forum when I noticed a something pretty walking infront of me. I crossed her after a few nimble steps but my 'sabhyata ki chadar' that I don all the time did not allow me to turn. That time I desired a rear view mirror to be fitted somewhere in me with the lines imprinted in bold 'Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear'.

2. Ability to download the latest anti-virus definitions - Man's antivirus system is outdated. When developed, it had an inbuilt module which could from antivirus definitions 'In Situ'. But with viruses turning out to be smarter with, man was reduced to be dependent on vaccines and rubbers. A better mechanism to fight these smart viruses is desired. I believe this module can be outsourced to Symantec in near future.

3. Horns - Not competing with the latest jingles available with the automobiles, I would like to see man having horns on his head for two simple reasons. This will for sure distinguish man from donkey (refer to Gadhe ke sar per seeng waali kahawat) and I find the dude in the Onida advertisement amazing.

4. Ability to change colors - This has been an internal feature of man for ages, and we see Ekta Kapoor putting it to good use in her family soaps. But I would want this feature in man externally as well. It will get rid of apartheid completely and the fashion conscious can change their colors to match with their clothes.

5. Wings - This should be available for all Bangaloreans who have to spend 1/6th of the day on road. Unconscious of the fact that their vehicles have more that two gears, for once they might know how it feels to go beyond 20 km/hr.

There is more to it, some of them unimaginable yet essential. Probably I will shed more light on it in my next peice. Probably I will not, I am not in a great mood.

:X~ Not Manish

Shaky Bones

2006-04-04T17:28:00.000+05:30

Shaky Bones.

He is always there whenever I open my wardrobe, sitting wordlessly in the den of his...or do dogs live in kennels? Now you might be wondering a lot of things at a single instance of time (mind can multiprocess) - How come I have a wardrobe? Who is he? A dog? Why is he wordless? What was that movie whch had Jackie Shroff and a dog? Is the spelling of 'kennel' right? Who stays in a kennel? Where do pigs stay? And birds? When was the last time when I had chicken?

I do not have aswers to all the questions here but I can definately point out that the movie was 'Teri Meharbaaniya', pigs stay in sty, birds stay in coops AND IT HAS BEEN AGES!!!

My shaky bones stays in his dark den amidst the rich aroma of naptha sitting prodigiously, shaking his head. He has not spoken a word till now, I am not sure if he ever will but from the look of his eyes I feel he might one day. He does not have much to guard, it is a poor guys wardrobe...but he does that exceedingly well. Apart from the frequent missing T-shirt (which I find in my flat-mate's cupboard), shaky bones has done well. He does not understand English, never had enough education but when I compliment him, he just shakes his head. Ignorance is bliss, I say.

I am not aware of his breed or his pedigree, but this pedigree thing burns a big hole in my pocket. This one dog food available in the market costs more than Horlicks or Complan. He swears by pedigree and when I ask him, "Do you want more?" he just shakes his head. He does not understand English.

He has a very small tail, you can almost misunderstand it for lump of hair. And I have had a terrible time trying to figure out if his tail is straight or not. "How does it matter?" you would say. To prove the famous hindi saying wrong, I would retort. When shaky bones is happy, he does not wag his tail...maybe he does but the movement is too small to figure out. When I ask him "Are you happy?" he just shakes his head. He does not understand English.

Shaky bones - I wanted him to sit at my work place and shake his head potraying the 'be positive' attitude...but currently I do not have a permanent place to sit. My manager asks me "Are you comfortable?" I just shake my head...I WISH I DID NOT UNDERSTAND ENGLISH!!!

:X~ NotManish_&_ShakyB@buddies.com

Rang De Basanti

2006-02-07T17:40:00.000+05:30

It was very impulsive, the idea to write something on the lines of Dandruff, Nose-Picking or P-time. A day in the life of POT I thought would make a good story. I had almost made a framework, selected a few words, a few examples to illustrate the colorful and breezy life of POT. But then I heard voices, faint yet explicit. The voices were firm, they pronounced that they would not read another word that I write if it contained filth. "What is filth", I wanted to argue but shuddered at the thought that I would lose the selected few audience that I had. It has taken me twenty five long years to get a few people to say “I enjoy what you write as long as you do not delve into the unthinkable and the unreadable.” That put an end to all my breezy and colorful ideas.

Next was the turn of a blade of grass. Many would have heaved sigh of relief that it cannot have unimaginable details. I saw this blade of grass, pale green in color, creased at numerous places being trampled under numerous feet. This blade of grass had withered away...almost...but the tip stood upright. It stood amidst ruins and disaster, yes, that is what it seemed like when I magnified its presence to human scale. It stood like a soldier at war...beaten, bruised but not lost. A song flashed in my mind 'Na sar jhuka hai kabhi aur na jhukayenge kabhi'. I really wanted to salute that piece of life through a very personal space on my blog. But my thoughts withered away like the grass.

I went to check out for mails...the one on paper, in black and white. We have a large pegion hole with A-Z marked for each hole. Few remain empty with no markings. Under 'M', a truckload of them were waiting to be scanned. Mostly credit card statements, they dressed the pegionhole in motley. While HSBC had yellow envelopes with floral prints, SBI had blue and white. Standard Chartered was in green and grey and Manhattan was in grey and Orange. “So much color in the dull bank statements!”, I thought, “Then why do we miss the color of our lives?” The credit card statements were a liability to us still they looked so vivid...our lives are an asset, they should be definitely colorful.

I smiled and hummed

Thodi si dhool meri dharti ki mere vatan ki

Thodi si khusboo baurayee si mast pavan ki

.....

mohe mohe tu rang de basanti.

:X~ NotManish

Happy New Year

2006-01-19T08:17:00.000+05:30

New year greetings well in advance to all coz I will not be able to write on 1st and few days after that.

Why do we wait so eagerly for the new year every time it is around? If you are going through a bad patch then you say new year will turn things around and everything will be better. How significant can one day be to change your fortune suddenly? Is it not like any other day?

When I was a kid, my mother used to tell me that whatever you do on the stroke of midnight, you will continue doing that for the rest of the year. I used to believe her and made it a point to watch TV...whatever came on doordarshan at that time. Later, when I became a little serious about my life, I used to study...but the belief was still there.

One particular new year is etched in my memory very clearly. I do not know how I old I was, might be 11 years old. That 31st we were travelling back from my native. I was in my sleep when some person woke me up and gave me a handful of namkeen and said 'happy new year'. I ate and slept again.

New Year always brought the picnic season. Every year we used to go to places, city park, garga dam, rajrappa, tenughat. We were so desperate that once we even celebrated picnic in the park next to sector 9. Bad experience it was, as the park is just next to the 'Khataal'. But Papa and Sankule uncle (the mastermind behind all the picnics) could not take us to a better place as they had to go to the plant.

The first new year that I spent away from my parents was in Delhi, way back in 99-2k. What did I do on that year? I think some of us had a small get together...just huddled up at 11:30 and dispersed by 12:30. We were in the midst of competitive exams and that was the maximum time that we could spare. Next four new years I was on train. Our institute, by the rule of thumb, opened on 2nd of January which meant we had to leave from home on 31st. My mother's conviction still made sense...I just kept travelling from hostel to department and department to lab all round the year.

Last year I was in Vellore with Rajnish and Saurav's parents. I was new in Bangalore (2 days old) and Rajnish suggested that we go to Vellore...the year end was not really great with Tsunami and all, so it was a nice escape. At midnight, I had my cellphone with no signal in my hand and many people around me. It was fun, I talked a lot that day. I do not know for now which part has come true...my cellphone with no signal or many people around me. But I have definitely talked a lot whole year round. Whatever!

This New Year I am definitely not travelling in train, bus or any other means of transport and I am surely doing something good. Its my superstition and I have one full year at stake!

Have a wonderful new year, I will try to catch you all (my readers) at 12 so that I have a steady fan following in 2006.

:X~ For once...I am Manish

I am getting married...

2005-12-09T17:05:00.000+05:30

Based on a true story

"Your son and my daughter are in love with each other and I am here to facilitate their marriage", said the stranger to my mom, sipping his tea. This had the same effect on my mother as your house burning and you standing mute in front of it, too shocked to say anything. This person had come half an hour ago looking for Aniljee - when my mom's house was not burning. Over the cup of tea and snacks, he had set everything on fire. I was getting married.

My mom has great faith over my integrity. The faith still held good and it meant that the stranger was in the shadow of doubt. But a tsunami in Chennai affects the weather in Bangalore. There was a lot of commotion within her. Her faith was shot at by a RCZ-921 Carbine which shoots multiple bullets at a time. The faith was not hurt, but was shaken. "How can Manish do this without even telling me? I have never stopped him from doing anything." There was a tussle between faith and no-faith.

In the tussle between mom's faith and no-faith, the former was superior. It did not believe in accepting defeat till pronounced lost. My mom asked the stranger "I have two sons, which one?"

"The one who is an engineer and works in Bangalore". The person was more interested in the tea and Good Day biscuits. My mom was definitely not having a good day.

"What is his name?" asked my mother. This was notably the make or break question. My mom waited for the sky to fall on her head. She could not hide anywhere, her house was burning!

"Ravishanker". It was like the skies had suddenly opened up to a torrential rainfall extinguishing the last traces of flame emanating from the burning house. "Ravishanker, what a nice name", mummy thought, "I will name all my grandchildren Ravishanker". I do not know how she figured out the confusion arising considering the fact that I plan to have a number of Ravishankers. Anyways, at this time it was the sweetest name in the whole galaxy.

The pandemonium cleared. The strange-r was looking for some other Anil Kumar who incidentally lived in 4-F and who incidentally had an engineer son working in Bangalore. My father dropped the strange-r to the other person's house who had other things common to him than just the name. I am not getting married.

:X~ Not Manish

P Time

2005-12-04T08:41:00.000+05:30

Man is a social animal. This one statement I would have used the maximum number of times after "Hello", "Hi I am Manish" and "Good Morning". I am talking about statements only and not sound because I make a lot of weird ones everyday. Anyways, man is a social animal. If he was not social and not animal he would not have to think this much. For example, if he was unsocial he would not have to search for the right spots and if he was not an animal he would not have to bother at all. Insects do not do it, fishes do it in water, birds do not bother on whose head it falls. Man is a social animal. He looks out for trees and walls in vicinity where there are visible or odorous substantiations of the natural act. In absence of either, he simulates an environment where there are trees and walls all around and without fear or guilt he transgresses. This hallucination of his has made many a land fertile.

One of the most romantic places to be with a girl is on an overnight bus. Surrounded by strangers...in a wispy surrounding...amidst the slumber and the snores and the constant birr of the Tata engine...you talk in a muzzled tone even if you are discussing the future of Saurav Ganguly. Being clandestine is a fascinating enamor. Even alone, you can watch a Mithunda movie without complaining. But, if before boarding the bus, you have had hyderabadi biryani and a coke and follow it up with lots of water...your situation can be atrocious. No hallucinations will help you, unless you imagine really well. The girl by your side would no longer be pretty, "Hera-Pheri" will sound like "Black" and your watch will scream at you in CAPITALS - DON'T STARE AT ME, I AM RUNNING. You would see lots of trees whizzing past, open spaces, walls, hillocks, mountains. You will see a few line hotels and then a motel. You can read "Andhra style thali avlable (24 hrs) Refreshment rooms also". You wonder how much Progress these places have made with a capital Pee. The bus will finally stop but the person in front will have his push back seat pushed too back and the person next to you will show no signs of life. You will try Spiderman stunts with the fear of a burst bladder. No words to describe the joy if you are successful without injuring yourself or your co-passengers.

A white building with green roof is somewhat prominent in Bangalore. It reads 'Nirmal Bangalore". There are a few sets of rules displayed on the walls. When summarized they mean that it is a pay and use facility, that you have to pay for one time use (actually you can pay once and use it multiple times as long as you are inside) and that the cost of using this facility is Rs.0.50. There is a suggestion below in red that it is your property and you should keep it clean. You enter, you use it, you come out, you dig your pockets for change, you give the person a 1 rupee coin, the person returns back something with 50 paise written on one side and ashok stumbh on other. You are a patriot, but you have never despised that ashok stumbh more. You say out aloud "Fuckin, can't they charge one rupee for this wonderful facility". The person does not leave you till you take the coin in your hand; he fears vigilance department and AajTak. The smell lingers for a long time.

Noose around the neck

2005-11-29T08:44:00.000+05:30

Some wise man said...when I do not know...but some wise man said that the tie is the handkerchief for the rich. The other wise man here believes that it is not only a good 'kerchief, it also serves well for a table mop, ear buds, cloth to grip and open jars, dust rag and sometimes it can be used to enhance the taste of your lunch or dinner or whatever.

It has been one year since I tied a knot in my tie. But I wear it religiously every monday and tuesday to office...I have to, otherwise I would lose 200 INR from my salary. I go out to lunch, my tie goes with me. I get a plate of food, the tie says "I will have some for myself." The tie gathers whatever food it can...from my plate...and sometimes from others plates also, when in a good mood. I can just sit and watch with my hands tied.

But the tie has etiquettes...it takes great pains to clean itself when near a wash basin. No sooner you bend down to wash, the tie jumps into the sink to have a bath itself. Thank God! The tie does not like 'saunf', I would not share that with my tie.

Sometimes last year, a guy in my office was wearing a pair of trousers with the brand name 'Tie' displayed conspicuously across his A**...It was a tuesday, I turned his tie around to check if 'Pants' were written there...

:X~ Not MMMMMM

Zebra

2005-11-09T17:15:00.000+05:30

Zebras…weird creatures! They look so much like horses…except that they seem to be painted dexterously by an artist, black and white. Earlier when I saw them in books, I used to wonder what would happen when it rains heavily…will the colors just melt and they would become all white, or all black for that matter…I could not settle for one color, never knew which color I liked more. Actually I did, I would like my zebra to be red and white…nothing to do with the bravery awards…zebras are not brave. I just wished they were red and white; red is the color I somehow like…but then thought otherwise. I could not visualize a red and white zebra crossing; it was a shade too spectacular. Then my thoughts would wander a little farther…if zebras were red and white and zebra crossings black and white, or vice versa for that matter…would they still be called zebra crossings or something else? /> />My bemusements with zebras do not end here. I was perplexed by the pronunciation of zebra as well. Was it zay-bra as I know, or was it zee-bra? Oh! Shut up Sourav Pani…don’t think! I tried an assortment of dictionaries, talking ones coz the ones that do not talk give the pronunciation to confuse you further. Webster’s says Zebra – Noun ‘zebru …Does this help!!! I was confused with the first syllable if it has two syllables (actually I have no idea), now it adds doubt to the second syllable also!!! So the talking dictionaries…but they proved inconsequential too.

Zebras like horses, belong to the family Equidae. They look like horses, act like horses then how come people do not ride them like horses? Wouldn’t the horse races be more impressive if they were zebra races?

I am not very fond of animals still I used to watch national geographic and discovery just to satiate my ruminations on zebras. I learnt a lot about sharks, crocs, reptiles but nothing on zebras. The one animal I had developed a kind of liking and it was totally missing from the television channels! I mean, they have got time to capture a shakti kapoor and aman verma, why not a zebra?

Remember when we were kids! A stood for apple or aero plane, B for ball, balloon or boy…but Z always was Zebra…in all the books!

Zebras…weird creatures!

:X~ NotManish

NotManish or Manish

2005-11-04T10:33:00.000+05:30

Notmanish : It gets tough sometimes, sitting here with no one to talk to. I mean really talk to. True, I can always converse with the other guy…notmanish, but since he does not have free will and I created every thought in his submissive mind…he is not a very stimulating conversationalist. He calls me father sometimes, it feels good, but since we are of the same age with similar powers, it doesn’t mean much… He asks a lot of questions. Agreed, his inquisitiveness is an inheritance from me. I ask a lot of questions.

Manish : It might surprise you to think that I have a few questions. Questioning is healthy. We should prove all things and hold fast all that which is true.

Where did I come from? Who is my creator?

Notmanish : I know how you would respond to the question about your own existence. You argue that human beings must have a creator and you would find no disagreement from me. Human mind displays evidence of intricate design, and only a designer is capable of such obscurity. I created you.

But, I find myself sitting up here; I look around and notice that there is nothing else besides myself and the objects I have created. I do not see anyone competing with me, nor do I notice anything above myself that might have created me, unless it is playing hide-n-seek with me. I did not create myself, because if I did, I would be greater than myself…

So, where did ‘I’ come from?

My mind is complex and intricate, much more than yours; otherwise I could not have created your mind. Sometimes I surprise myself at how wise I am. If your existence is an evidence of a designer, what do you think about my existence? Am I not wonderful? Do I not function in an orderly manner? My mind is not a jumble of random dissembled thoughts; it displays evidence of a design. If you need a designer, why don’t I?

You might think such a question is blasphemy, but to me there is no such crime. I can ask any question I want, and I think this is a fair one. If you think that I need not ask where I came from because I am perfect and omniscient while humans are fallible; and you assume that I exist, I would not deny your freedom to make assumptions. But it does me little good. It doesn’t help me figure out where I came from.

You say that I am eternally existent, and I suppose I would have no objection if I knew what it meant. It is hard for me to conceive of eternal existence. I just cant remember back that far, it would take me an eternity to remember back to eternity, leaving me no time to anything else, so it is impossible to confirm if I existed forever. And even if it is true, why is eternal greater than temporal? Is a long sermon greater than a short sermon, or fat people greater than thin people, or old greater than young?

You think it is important that I have always existed. I’ll tale your word for now, but my question is not the duration of my existence, but the origin of my existence. I don’t see how being eternal solves the problem. I still want to know where I came from.

I can only imagine one possible answer, and I would appreciate your reaction. I know that I exist. I know that I could not have created myself. I also know that there is no other higher god who could have created me. Since I cannot look above myself, I should look below myself for a creator. Perhaps - his is speculative, bear with me – perhaps you created me…

:X~ NotManish